It doesn’t bother me that there are atheists. To me, their position is more of a philosophical difference than evidence of any intellectual shortcomings. And see, that’s where I lose it when I have to deal with some of them. When those kinds of atheists take it upon themselves to imagine some sort of intellectual high ground leaving believers to come across as superstitious chowderheads, scared like Cleavon Little pretended to be in Blazing Saddles that some Man in the Sky is gonna get pissed at us and send a lightning bolt straight up our assholes whenever we do some totally random and arbitrary shit. Why is not believing in God supposed to be evidence of some sort of higher intellect? Because of what science has proven? Science proves new shit every day, very often totally disproving the very shit they’d proven the day before. If I were to listen to science, I shouldn’t even be writing this shit cause as a Negro, my IQ’s supposed to be about 15 points less any respectable white man. Science has taught me this. And apparently, science doesn’t know that “race” as we understand it, is a matter of law and not of science.
But whatever. Fuck all that bullshit. Let’s get back to God. Any true intellectual knows that when it comes to whether or not God exists, the best you can do is reach a complete dead end. If there’s no God, then where did everything come from? If there is a God, then where did God come from? Real, actual, genuine agnosticism is the only righteous path for a Man of Intellect.
So, like I said, it all comes down to philosophical differences. The word “believe” has to get thrown out the fucking door. What you have to ask yourself (and others) is; do you feel the presence of a God? And it doesn’t even really have to do with optimism versus pessimism. Whether Camus was right in suggesting that “hope” was useless and futile, or whether George Harrison was right and when he saw the sun coming. How can you be totally optimistic when death is inevitable? And how can you be totally pessimistic and not have already killed yourself?
Personally, I have what I’d like to call an open-ended belief system. I believe in everything. Saves time. The fact that I’m mortal on a spinning orb and could just as randomly get hit by a bus as become president is enough for me to just say, “Fuck it. Whaddaya got? Ghosts? UFOs? Give ‘em to me. I’ll take ‘em.”
But, you. What about you? Do you feel the presence of a God? A good reason to feel said presence, I think, is beauty. That’s my deciding factor. And yes, I am one of those half-sissies that see beauty in everything. It could be two little black girls dressed up like Muslim women, running to catch a school bus. Or it could be tune meant to celebrate family and mourn the passing of a fallen friend become the greatest hip hop song ever recorded. Or it could be the sunrise breaking over the tops of the buildings in the Bronx or Brooklyn or anywhere.
But here, again, is where I allow for the atheist. What if you don’t see beauty? What if you see hunger and suffering and pain? What if you see ugly death and greed and sadism? What if you see terror and torture and murder most predominantly? Can you accept a God that’s a God of these horrors? I wouldn’t even expect you to try.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep seeing shit like this and saying to myself;