How Trump Could Win the Black Vote

The Democrats are lucky that Donald Trump ain’t hire me as a speechwriter. Cause I’d have ever nigga in America voting for this dude. But it wouldn’t be all speeches. It would be mostly perspective and policy. And to get the Black vote there’s only one policy he’d hafta push and one tactical change he’d hafta make.

  • Make imprisonment more proportionate.
  • Stop referring to Barack Obama by name. Call him something like the “Current Democratic President”

That’s it. Those are the keys. And the fucked up thing is, he wouldn’t even hafta implement the imprisonment policy, he’d just have to argue for it. Cause, see, arguing for it would prove that he had an understanding that most people, particularly most democrats, clearly do not.

And why is this so important? Well, in a country where 13.2 percent of the population is Black but 40 percent of the prison population is Black the better question is why isn’t it the only thing that’s important?

If you argue for making imprisonment more proportionate, you can simultaneously argue for reducing the welfare rolls, you can argue for reducing special programs like food stamps and Section 8. You can argue essentially that with more men in the community, older men, men who should be respected, crime would even fall. As a byproduct, you become the candidate for reuniting Black families. And let the Democrats hafta chew on that.

And the beauty of it is; anybody that disagrees with him? Racist. What? You’re arguing that Blacks are just naturally more criminal? Racist. What? You’re arguing that Blacks actually need more programs? That they’re a race of children that would collapse and crumble without paternalistic protection and guidance? Racist. What? You’re arguing that the government does a better job of raising a Black child than a Black father? Whoa…

I never figured out why no shrewd Republican has ever called out so-called Liberals for being the bigots that they truly are. Because I’m a dumb, Black fuck myself, and even I know that the crux of the liberal argument has always been one of pity. The Liberals pity anything that’s not them. That’s why all their projects have an “Oh, you poor baby!” feel. How unfortunate it must have been to be born a

  1. Shelter Pet
  2. Baby seal
  3. Non-white

Trump, if he played his cards right, could turn Trump Pride into Black Pride. All he’d have to do is say something along the lines of, “I don’t believe that Black people are a race of children. I don’t think they need a whole set of special programs and so much extra attention has to paid to them because they can’t do anything for themselves. All we’d need to do is fix the one issue that our Current Democratic President has so ironically chosen to ignore. I mean, look at me up here. I’m absolutely beautiful. Are you seriously gonna try to tell me that I’d be any less beautiful if I were Black?”

(mic drop)

Obama’s a messianic figure in the Black community so negative name-dropping would prove suicidal if Trump really wanted the voting block. Still, everyone would know who he meant when he sneeringly referred to the “Current Democratic President.”

As it is tho, I’m voting for Hillary. Trump’s too proud to take advice from a nigga like me.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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