Black Girls Gotta Do the Most


My moms is from Florida and when I was a kid, she used to use this term: “flickted”, which my dumb ass thought might be a real word despite the fact that I never heard nobody but her using it.

As I got older, like niggas begin to realize that “ratchet” is really some muhfucca’s inability to say “wretched”, I grew to understand that “flickted” was Ma’s own shorthand for “afflicted”.

Glad I never tried that shit in public.

Anyway, Ma’s targets for “flickted” were usually white people, white women in particular, white women dancing specifically.

Ma had no chill.

And you could see flickted bitches anywhere: proud of the fact that the music was going one way and their bodies were going another.

Now, tryna find a white bitch that can’t dance is like tryna make a living selling loosies.

And I blame two things: the Internet and niggas.

Since historically, parties, like housing, jobs, cafeteria seating and everything else was segregated, white bitches that didn’t know how to dance, didn’t even know that they didn’t know how to dance.

Now, every white bitch with wifi brushes up on all the new moves before she heads out the door.

And niggas don’t help.

There’s this vine of Kendall Jenner where, average looking, skinny and flat though she is, she’s almost on beat with her dance moves.

And I ain’t even on Twitter like that but if I had a dollar for every nigga that retweeted with the quote “Marrying Kendall for this”, I’d might be marrying that bitch myself being that I’d be both Black and rich.

Now of course, if Kendall was a Black chick, not only would she be expected to be perfectly on beat and have a phat ass and be fine as fuck and have a body count less than 10 and be in college and have a list of goals she could spit out in less than five words and have eyebrows on fleek and long hair and

The best she could probably hope for as a comment might be an “I’d hit that.”

Not a day goes by where I don’t see a vine or a meme of some basic ass white girl, hordes of niggas salivating over her, writing – like they’re getting some of that victory money – “white girls winning”.

And I’m guilty of this shit too. Two days ago, I was walking back to Grand Central Station and I saw two different chicks from behind at two different times.

The first was walking with a white man and had a huge ass and great legs. Her hair was straight and black and her attire all corporate.

My thoughts were, “If that’s a white woman, that’s crazy.”

When she turned so that I could see her profile and it ended up that she was Black, I was actually a little disappointed.

Then, once I’d almost reached the subway, I saw another chick. She was wearing a parka so I never did get to see her ass or her face but her legs and her shoe game were on point.

I remember thinking, “If that’s a white girl, she’s bad as fuck!”

Then I caught myself.

It was time for me to get to writing.

Either that, or it was time for me to see the exorcist; and no, not the movie, but the actual nigga.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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