Guide to Arguing with Racists (and winning!)

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Since racism is an untenable philosophy, it breaks my heart when I see people get into arguments with racists and lose.

Thing is, you can’t lose an argument with a racist on points, you can only lose it due to popular opinion.

That being the case, I’m bout to give you the G so that you’ll never been on the losing end of an argument with a racist again.

  1. Keep Calm

I don’t care what you’re saying, if you’re emotional while you’re saying it, you look desperate; and desperate don’t look right. The only good thing I can say about most racists is that, even though they’re dumb as bricks, they’re smug and that smugness has sway. So it does you no good good to be out there screaming, “But he was an unarmed teenager on his way home!!!” if your opponent is calmly intoning, “That should have been wearing a button-down shirt.”

    2.  Laugh at him

This one’s going back a bit in history, but there was a time when the idea of a nigga laughing at a white person was so unsettling, that white people in many small towns set up barrels at the side of the road so any time a nigga felt the irrepressible urge to laugh, he had to stick his head in a barrel making him, literally, “more fun than a barrel of laughs”. And to this day, nothing outrages a racist more than the idea that some nigga somewhere sees him as being ridiculous.

   3.  Discredit their info

There are no such things as facts. There are only probabilities and likelihoods. So when some racist somewhere gives you numbers on something, remind him that those are only numbers then ask, “Where’d you get those?” Then when he tells you ask, “Do you trust them?” Then when he says he does ask, “So why should I?” You’re lack of faith in his concrete evidence will probably make him forfeit Rule Number 1.

4.  Make it personal

Never forget that the reason a racist needs to be “white” in the first place is because by himself and as a man,  he has relatively little to stand on. Therefore, he tries to tie in his own pathetic existence to some sort of grander “white” group; which is of course bullshit, but it works if you buy into it. So when this fool gets really heavy into his spiel, remind him that The Pyramids and Carthage and Imhotep are all beside the point with a simple, “I’m working on my PHD right now, what you up to?

   5.  Deny his whiteness

This is why none of them muhfuccas are actually interested in DNA analysis cause they know; they don’t know. They say that by 2030, the odds that a 8 year-old kid will have a living great-grandparent will be 70%, so that means that the odds that he’ll have all eight great-grandparents will be about .0875%, and by the time he grows old enough to be a racist, the percentage will be even lower than that. And that’s all it takes you know; one great-grandparent. Jason Kidd, Carly Simon, Pete Wentz and Rashida Jones all prove that after even one generation it gets hard as shit to tell. So just ask, straight up: “How do you know you’re really white?”

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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