“Black People Don’t Work” and Other Funny Ideas

Three young business women and two man looking at computer screen, laughing


Today, in the New York Daily News, I was reading about how this white cop, Christopher DePaolis, is ripping off tax payers because even though the fool’s gathering up disability payments from his old NYPD gig, he took another police gig in Florida that’s paying him too. A loophole; “legal” the Daily News is quick to point out, but some bullshit nonetheless.

His justification?

Christopher DePaolis lamented America’s descent into a handout culture — and shared his decision to screw the state for all it’s worth.


That was written the day after President Obama got re-elected. And you know who he meant by “everyone else”.

I felt that collective sigh, y’all. I exhaled one too when I read that crazy shit.

As you know, the two most ridiculous stereotypes about Black people are:

  1. Niggas don’t ever have jobs
  2. If a nigga does have a job, it’s a result of “Affirmative Action”

Now, don’t get me wrong, we all know how we’re supposed to respond to this. We’re supposed to start breathing all heavy out our noses and shit and then give rundowns to muhfuccas of our own personal history which would, if we’re lucky, get us considered The Exception.

“I’ve been working since I was 15!”

And you know what? While that might be true, it’s also wasted breath.

So what if you’ve been working since you were 15.

That makes you one of 40 million.

And them other 39,999,999 of us are all fucked up.

The reality is, of course, while much better, still not great. Black unemployment is 10.2%, nearly twice the average for white people, but still meaning that only 1 out of 10 of us in employed.

As far as that affirmative action bullshit, well, y’all know how I personally feel about that particular policy, but then that crazy bullshit also presupposes that if a nigga was gonna apply to be a pharmacist, he wouldn’t need no kinda training whatsoever in pharmacology, but could just walk in the door with Black skin and get hired.

If that’s the case, I’m ready to be a pharmacist. No, fuck that, a surgeon.

That, or it really might be time I hit my pops up for that “small loan” of a million dollars.

The bottom line is – and it’s really starting to make me tired to think that I even had to write this piece – that almost every notion concerning someone else whether good or bad is a projection.

Therefore,  niggas are called lazy; by people that stole us from Africa and put us in the cotton fields.

Niggas are called sex fiends; by people that raped both women and men repeatedly during the antebellum period.

Niggas are called liars by people that show us pictures of a Jesus with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Niggas are called ugly by perpetually tanning, Kardashian, self-mutilating monsters.

And niggas are called dumb by people for whom there’s no recorded history in the Western Hemisphere till 1492.

I remember when the Tea Party first formed and there’d be these huge rallies taking place during the middle of the day.

I’d see these clowns on various lunch breaks and wonder where the fuck do they work that allows them that much time to protest?

As it turned out, most of them were on government subsidy; disability, unemployment, something.

So when you think about it, what you say about someone else really does say a lot about how you feel about yourself.

Ah, but what do I know?

To me, everybody’s beautiful.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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