Russell Wilson, Future, Ciara, and the Seattle Seahawks

ATLANTA, GA - JUNE 20: Rapper Future attends Birthday Bash 20 at Philips Arena on June 20, 2015 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage)

Make no mistake; Future is hurt.

And no, vernacular is not appropriate here; Future is not “in his feelings”, that nigga’s hurt.

And, again, no; it’s not because I listened to the whole Purple Reign mixtape Future dropped, coincidentally or intentionally on the same day as his ex-lady’s new beau’s playoff game.

As of this second, I only heard the intro and the “Al Sharpton” joint. But that was enough.

If you’re weak enough to cheat on somebody you honestly believe you love, then you should at least have the decency to lie like a White Supremacist spouting “facts”.

Understand; you can never confess. Confessing that you’ve cheated is in effect “punking” the one you’ve cheated on.

You may have yourself convinced that you’re doing the right thing, but in reality, this little unburdening of yours is really just placing the bulk of the responsibility for handling the situation on the person that you cheated on.

It’s a way of saying “So whatcha gon do about it?” then folding your arms across your chest and expected them to do nothing.

Once Ciara found out that her ex-fiancé Future was cheating on her, she made what is realistically the only call she could; she got in the wind.

Folks, you can never stay with someone who’s admitted to cheating on you, Hillary Clinton be damned. They’ll lose respect for you. Things will get way worse.

However, if and when you leave, the respect you earn makes the love that the cheater may or may not have genuinely felt before not only very real but radiate with such intensity that it becomes all consuming.

The cheater starts turning up in the media calling you all sorts of bitches and whatnot. The cheater’s also, amazingly enough, always mad at you.

And really, all you have to do is listen to him brag on “Al Sharpton” about how many bitches he’s fucked to realize how hurt Future must have been for him to find it necessary to repeatedly make that same tired point.

Meanwhile, Russell Wilson knows a bad bitch when he sees and finds one.

Been hurt, baby? Dontcha see my cape? Wanna do things the right way this time and avoid intercourse till marriage? Baby, I’ll stick my face so deep in that ass we’ll end up tongue kissing from the opposite direction!

Already a Super Bowl champion, the young Seahawks quarterback is set for life. An athlete can never starve in the city he brought a title to.

And so what that he’s a dork.

He’s a good-looking athlete in peak physical condition who’ll probably keep his team in contention to Chip for at least another decade and will probably be as faithful to Ciara as Malcolm was to Betty Shabazz.

The only reason the Seahawks lost on Sunday was because this current Cam Newton-led Carolina Panthers team is like a 21 year-old Mike Tyson and literally anything that gets in its way will be absolutely flattened.

By being outscore 31-0, then reeling off 24 straight points, the Seahawks still made it interesting, though.

But if it’s true that pain makes for great art, no football game can be as interesting as all the new music we’ll be hearing from Future at least in the immediate, ahem, future.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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