Are You a Self-Loathing Negro? Take the Dickie Bhee Test!


Scoring: there’s a number at the end of each choice. Be sure to tally up your total after the 10th question to find your result!

1. Black peoples’ problems are:
a) a result of systematic racism (3)
b) a mix of historic oppression and current apathy (7)
c) brought on by irresponsible behavior (10)
d) all white peoples’ fault (0)

2. HBCU’s are:
a) ghettoes of the mind for underachievers (10)
b) a good “safety” option (7)
c) wait, white peoples have colleges too? (0)
d) an opportunity to live in the kind of world I’d want to create (3)

3. Slavery:
a) was the past. Get over it (10)
b) gave free pussy and dick to them child molesters, rapist and homos (0)
c) provided the impetus that spurred American free enterprise (7)
d) scarred and damaged generations before and generations to come (3)

4. Black people are beautiful when:
a) mixed with some other race (7)
b) almost never (10)
c) almost always (0)
d) dark-skinned, nappy or natural hair, big nose, big lips, big booty or dick (3)

5. Interracial dating/marriage is:
a) ridiculous. White people are ugly and should all be killed (0)
b) possibly evidence of psychological issues (3)
c) a viable alternative (7)
d) the way I’ll find the love of my life (10)

6. Integration:
a) increased variety at the expense of Black businesses (3)
b) was mostly beneficial (7)
c) gave them crackas closer proximity for stealing our glo (0)
d) provided the only chance to join a fully human society (10)

7. Africa is:
a) a continent. Most people think it’s a country (7)
b) the cradle of civilization (0)
c) full of AIDS, crime and poverty (10)
d) the Motherland (3)

8. Barack Obama is:
a) my G (0)
b) inept, incompetent, and stupid (10)
c) a Master Politician (3)
d) a so-so administrator, leader and statesman (7)

9. The Best way to end police brutality is:
a) withhold the percentage of your taxes that go to police salaries (3)
b) pull your pants up, walk, talk and behave correctly (10)
c) work on acquiring wealth (7)
d) a well-thrown Molotov cocktail during peak precinct hours (0)

10. I feel that my Blackness is:
a) essential to who I am (0)
b) a hindrance to the way I’m perceived (7)
c) incidental but preferable to all the alternatives (3)
d) God’s one mistake (10)

Now, add up all the numbers at the end of each answer that you selected and you’ll have your total score.

Here’s how the scoring works:

0-24, Harriet Tubman passed you to her husband Nat Turner who held you aloft to look at the sky and said, “Behold…”

25-49, you ain’t standing in Time Square wearing glittering robes and screaming from the bible at passing white people but you ain’t handing out hugs either.

50-74, you don’t know why we ever moved on from “Negro” to “Black” and “African-American” leaves you totally baffled.

75-100, you don’t know if you don’t like Black people in general or if you generally don’t like Black people.

Hit me on Twitter with your score – if it doesn’t embarrass you.

Also, don’t be afraid to take my “How Racist Are You?” test.

It’s calibrated for racists of any race.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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