Will “Negro Noses” Be Next?

CIRCA 1974: Singer Patti LaBelle poses for a portrait in circa 1974. (Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)

Of course, to really get this racism shit kicked off, it wasn’t enough to simply make fun of niggas because of our skin color.

Nah, you had to find all the differences, every difference, and if none existed, you had to make some up.

Because East Indians was just as dark as us. In many cases darker.


Shiii, I’ve seen Italians and Jews with nappier hair than anybody in my family.

Big lips as a bad thing went out with Angelina Jolie.

J. Lo and Kim K “invented” ass.

And tans were always a good thing.

But we still had them goddamn noses.

Make no mistake, even these big dicks we’re lugging around like butcher-bought sausages are, according to the Babylonian Talmud at least, a curse of “shameful” elongation.

Thank God for certain curses.

And big booties Black chicks?

Well, let’s take a couple different perspectives; feel free to disagree, trust me I don’t have a horse in this particular race.

I’ve heard two separate arguments for why niggas love a chick with ass.

  1. We got big dicks
  2. There’s more of a distinction between the sexes

Now, while the first seems almost reading-is-fundamental simple, the second is actually a little dangerous because it implies that the reason non-Blacks like the boy-bodied women that traditionally become the fashion model type is because their primary attraction is to…

Like I said, too dangerous.

Ain’t my theory anyway.

Fuck it.

Anyhoots, the Negro Nose; long a staple for derision.

It was the first thing you got fixed when you got money.

And I’m not gonna lay into all the celebrities that had the shit done. Who could have ever foretold that the tide might change?

What I will say is that the effect of waves of anti-Black imagery on young psyches makes it a miracle that not every nigga hated him or herself.

Or at least, hated that little part of the self.

Logically, wide nostrils should actually be preferable in any endeavor save swimming; and there goes another stereotype.

But seriously, the ability to take in more air, in theory at least, should help athletically and prevent possible congestion.

But this is just junk science I’m tossing out. It has no basis in fact.

But, then again, neither do “facts“.

And I don’t think I’ve yet had a four-day stretch where I’ve had to tag the same person or topic, but leave it to Beyonce’s “Formation” to still be kicking up enough dust that this becomes an additional and, let’s hope, final analysis.

There’s actually a bunch of renegade so-called feminist mad at Beyonce because they feel left out by her choosing to celebrate the features that have made her, as a Black woman, beautiful; among them the aforementioned ‘Negro Nose’ complete – because how could it be complete without? – a corresponding set of ‘Jackson 5 nostrils’.

Lord, if we could explain to these poor, white dandelions how long we’ve been made to feel ashamed of, vilified even for our very breathing apparatuses perhaps – and this is a big perhaps – they could see that Beyonce’s words were aimed at healing pain, not inflicting it.

My words are are aimed at inflicting pain.

So g’head, you pointy-nosed freaks!

Get you a good cosmetic surgeon.

Tell him you want the “John Amos”.


That shit’ll look hot.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

Leave a comment