Barkley Was a Bum and Other Points I’m Tired of Making

chuck doc moses

Back in the historic 1984 NBA Draft, a lotta funny shit happened.

The Houston Rockets had the first pick, and even though they already had center Ralph Sampson, they chose what is still conventional NBA wisdom and went with another big then-Akeem, soon-to-be-Hakeem Olajuwon.

The Portland Trailblazers had the second pick and although there was a very talented 2-guard from North Carolina available, took Sam Bowie, deciding that the 2-guard they’d taken the year before, Clyde Drexler, was good enough.

The Chicago Bulls took the 2-guard the other two teams passed on.

The Dallas Mavericks took another Carolina product, Sam Perkins, with the 4th pick.

Then, with the 5th pick, the Philadelphia 76ers chose that fat fucker outta Auburn, Charles Barkley.

Now, understand: there were good reasons to take Barkley.

At a listed 6’6″ he had played center in college, he ran the floor like a gazelle and he had a nasty streak.

He was also a totally undisciplined blub of lard that, much like Wiz Khalifa, didn’t respect his OGs and would eventually end up fucking up every team he ever went to including that Phoenix Suns team he took to the Finals.

The 76ers shoulda known. Guy tipped the scales at 300 lbs on draft night.

And remember, in 1984, the 76ers were a season removed from a NBA championship.

Julius “Dr. J” Erving was only 34 and the team still had Hall Of Famer Moses Malone, should-be Hall of Famer Mo Cheeks, and Andrew Toney.

Barkley initially couldn’t even crack the starting line-up his rookie season he was such a disgrace.

The team, however made it to the Conference Finals, losing in 5 to the Boston Celtics.

Barkley kept sucking; so bad in fact that Dr. J had to retire 2 season later and Moses and Mo had to be traded.

Alleged obstacles cleared, Barkley led that 76ers team to exactly no NBA Finals appearances and nothing even as decent as a Eastern Conference Finals showing.

Blaming his team like all losers do, Barkley demanded and got a trade to the Suns and responded kinda like LeBron did upon showing up in Miami, with the exception of winning The Chip, of course.

An MVP Award for Chuck and a Finals appearance, where he wilted in 6 games to an old nemesis, that Carolina 2-guard.

Eventually, predictably, Chuck wore out his welcome in Phoenix and joined – wait for it – a Houston Rockets team that included and would eventually include Hakeem Olajuwom and Clyde Drexler that first year and Hakeem and Scottie Pippen two seasons later.

My lasting memory of that first Rockets team will always be John Stockton hitting a jumper over Chuck to send the Utah Jazz to their first NBA Finals appearance.

Barkley was a fucking bum.

22.1 ppg and 11.7 rpg on teams that never won anything isn’t an indication of greatness, it’s evidence of a selfish ballplayer only out to get his.

If I had a team and my choices were between picking up Robert Horry and Chuck I’d take Horry and the 7 jewels over Chuck and the numbers in a walk.

Also, yes Larry Bird was better than LeBron.

LeBron currently has a 3 ppg and .6 assist edge, but Larry’s 3 boards per better, better from the line, better from 3, less turnovers per, less personals, and believe it or not, more steals and blocks.

Also, Bird won 3 rings to LeBron’s 2, Bird won in his 2nd season vs LeBron winning in his 9th, and lastly, Bird didn’t have to change teams to win.

He made the players around him winners.

And while normally, I’d suggest that you feel free to disagree, in this case:


About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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