One of the advantages, I guess, of having never done something is that you can criticize it.
So the fact that despite sitting down in the chair a total of 3 times between the ages of 18 and 22, I never got my ears pierced, I could be the asshole who throws homo-shade on every dude that has – which includes just about everybody cool of the modern era – and act like I’m the only true man of the lot.
Nah, I couldn’t do that. It would be too far-fetched.
Still, being the OG that I’m is, I remember that it was a big deal whenever a dude decided to get his ear pierced. Noticed I wrote “ear”. No guy was doing both back in the day.
Also, you had to be a certain kinda dude.
You had to be sexy.
Or at least, you had to believe that you were.
That, I guess, was my problem. I knew I was sexy, I just didn’t believe it.
The whole men-wearing-earrings thing was popularized by pirates…
Why’d I pause there?
To let all the obvious jokes pass.
…and pirates, of course, had a few different reasons for wearing earrings.
Hoops symbolized the first passing of the equator.
Expensive gold earrings could also be used in a pinch for burial money or to transport a dead pirate’s body home.
There were also superstitious beliefs like the notion that pirates who wore earrings couldn’t drown or get sick, and practical reasons like you could clump wax at the ends to stuff your ears if you were in charge of firing the canons.
And, of course, the other thing about pirates was that like men in prison or that episode with the fellow homeless dude that George Orwell described in Down and Out in Paris in London, they had a reputation for resorting to what’s called “situational homosexuality.”
Now, a lotta dudes would debunk this off the rip by arguing that they could be or have been in prison for 50 years and that particular “situation” never arose, but the notion simply is what it is.
Fast-forward to 2016. Sure, everybody wears earrings now and it’s absurd to think that the fashion accessory should be strictly limited to women, but is it really ok for little boys to have their ears pierced?
Like I wrote, for a dude, getting your ear pierced used to be a big deal.
You usually did it after you turned 18 and it was also kinda predicated by the kind of dude you either saw yourself as or saw yourself becoming.
Does it take away anything important or add anything unnecessary when both or one parent, usually a mom and possibly/probably even a single mom, makes that decision for you?
I mean, we don’t criticize moms for deciding their sons are gonna be doctors or lawyers in advance, but sexy?
Like bad or huge tattoos which naturally either excludes or render ridiculous certain clothing choices, an early piercing my give off the wrong signals.
And this isn’t a knock on anyone’s sexuality, in fact it can be questioned that in this current age of rejecting predefined gender roles why boys or girls are subjected to ear piercing.
The mom of the boy in the pic looked dumb young.
And I hate to speculate about the situation with the kid’s father, but I do wonder if he did sign off on his boy getting (both) ears pierced.
And I know, ladies, the argument becomes immediately that it’s your son.
But how much of the poor kid is also his own person?