Right there in the bible it says that it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven, but I defy you to find a successful Black preacher that’s not rich.
Aha! you say. Dickie Bhee, you dumb muhfucca, you played yourself. Nigga, you supposed to be the writer and your own words have betrayed you. Cause how can a muhfucca be successful without being rich?
Well, My Negroes, that this is your belief is simply evidence of how jaded we’ve become. We equate success with riches instead of intentions. And if the intentions of a minister are riches, then he’s fucked beyond redemption. The intentions of a minister should be, of course, saving souls.
And I’m not gonna call anybody out. Everybody sees what they see. If your minister has got a big house or fancy car, he’s doomed. If your minister is fucking parishioners – women, men or children – he’s doomed. If your minister isn’t down by the water in all seasons, baptizing and converting, using any cash that’s in excess of the fulfilling his need for his own daily bread toward alms to the poor, college scholarships and health and maintenance for his own parishioners, he’s on a highway to hell, it’s that simple.
I was on the phone with a good friend the other day and he was telling me about how some dude we both know is now a minister.
“He sounds good,” my friend said. “But I know this nigga. He was a crack dealer back in the day. He’s a hustler, straight up.”
“That’s the one thing that’s always kept me from fuccin around and becoming a preacher,” I said. “I mean, I know the bible. But what if there really is a God? You sure as shit would burn in hell for running that kinda con.”
“But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.”
Then again, Black pastors might be figuring, I’m gonna die anyway, so…
Which brings me back to my point.
YouTube star David Carroll made a great reference to the difference between the contemporary Black church and the traditional one by reminding us that the old Black preachers used to live right there next to their churches, be active in their communities and personally fight hunger, poverty, homelessness and crime while this current crop of not only jet-setting but jet-owning charlatan runs back to the burbs with the tithes as soon as the collection plate returns.
So I guess you’d have to call it as you see it, literally.
While “What Would Jesus Do” should be every so-called Christian’s mantra, it should be the definitive ethos of the clergy.
And to live like some of these preachers are living, Black preachers especially, you’d think they didn’t even need a God because the lifestyles their ministries fund can only be described as heaven on earth.