Kyrie, Kehlani & The Fuckboy


It’s not that I don’t understand, PartyNextDoor.

I’m part fuckboy too.

I wanna fuck Beyonce now. I didn’t always. I useta think Kelly was hotter.

Then she got with Jay. Didn’t do the trick. Then she had Blue.

That did.

So no, I’m actually worse than you.

I don’t wanna fuck her because of who her man is, I wanna fuck her because she’s a mama now.

They put people like me in jails.

But that was some fuckboy shit you did, PND.

If it hadn’t been fuckboy, you’d have gone about it differently.

You wouldn’t have put the girl on blast on Instagram. If it was all about the pussy you’d have gotten that quietly. If it had been about winning her back, the first time we saw ya’ll together wouldn’t have been in a bed but at a restaurant. Going to a concert. Being out.

But you had to let the world know that whatever the relationship status of this bitch and Cleveland Cavaliers’, er, “star” Kyrie Irving, you just fucked her.

You pulled a Tupac.

And it was fuckboy when he did it too.

But while his was an act of war, your move seemed exclusively ego.

But yeah, so now this half-decent ball player has to walk around with egg on his face for a while.

He had it coming. He thought too highly of himself.

He talked shit to Kobe and had too much swag in his strut. Meanwhile, there are Steph Currys around. There’s even a Russell Westbrook. One had played in a Finals series. The other had won one. Kyrie had pulled up lame in the Finals.

He always seems to pull up lame.

And now that it’s been established that he ain’t about that Gliterazzi Life, maybe he’ll play some basketball.

He’s pretty good at it, when that’s all he does.

They say LeBron James is thinking about leaving Cleveland. Maybe now he’ll stay.

LeBron don’t want it with New York or LA, but he does want to win.

You wanna be the reason he stays or the reason he leaves, Kyrie?

But back to the fuckboy, because it’s all about him, as you’ve probably guessed.

He, like this Kehlani, who you can only actually learn about by using Industrial Strength Google, is some kind of musical artist.

He “preformed” – if that’s what you wanna call it – recently wearing a Kyrie Irving jersey.

It was always all about Kyrie with this dude, even if, as alleged, PND and Kehlani had dated earlier.

And the Pic That Shook the Lower-Tier World was the coup de gras.


I’ve been silent about pussy for a long time and for two reasons:

  1. I haven’t had any in a fucking eternity
  2. For men, the story spreads better if we don’t tell it

All a man that wants pussy wants is pussy.

That shit ain’t performance art – unless it is.

And you ain’t tryna build no reputation off of it – unless you are.

But if you’re a guy and you’ve gotten enough pussy you know the last thing guys wanna hear about is you getting pussy and you draw back on the stories. Tell them historical dramas and classic mistakes.

You make it seem like you’re a regular hump, out in the world struggling just like everybody else.

Meanwhile, you’re getting pussy.

That’s when you’re not being a fuckboy.

I don’t hafta tell you what to do when you are being one.

You just proved to the world that when it comes to being a fuckboy, PND earns a DNP.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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