One GUARANTEED Way to Get the Cops to Leave Us the Fuck Alone


One of the most underrated movies of the prior decade was Stranger Than Fiction. It’s actually one of my Top 5 writer movies and the crux of the plot involves a writer whose character has unwittingly come to real life.

Will Ferrell’s fucking brilliant in it; good decade for him, he was also great in Melinda and Melinda but, as always, I’m going way fucking beside the point and starting to discuss shit that’s not even peripheral to my main topic so lemme act like I’ve taken at least a remedial writing course somewhere – I haven’t – and use at least a few words to say something along the lines of why I started to write this thing in the first place.

Will Ferrell’s love interest in Stranger is Maggie Gyllenhaal who has come to Will’s character’s IRS investigator’s attention for deliberately refusing to pay a portion of her taxes.

Turns out, she’s opposed to war and defense so it’s the portion of her taxes that would go toward those two entities that she intentionally doesn’t pay.

Now, I don’t know about you niggas, but I know quite well that my tax dollars pay police salaries and, while it takes little active brain matter to say that the bulk of police officers, if freaks for actually liking to dress up in uniform and also potentially power/authority mad because of their (legal) ability to both boss people and play with guns, are just working stiffs, tryna make a living, go home to their families and maybe get some pussy.

Normal folk.

Still, this does not excuse nor forgive the degenerate sociopathic madmen in their ranks who waste no opportunity when encountering Negroes to reach immediately for their guns and fire.

And the thing is, while my highest moral calling literally forces me to abandon any solidarity with Black madmen like Colin Ferguson or Ismaaiyl Brinsley simply cause dey iz Black like me, along those lines I must take cops to task, demand that they drop the Blue Wall of Silence and denounce and reject those specific officers that have disgraced their uniforms by behaving recklessly and dishonorably while wearing them.

And even if they wouldn’t do so willingly, we as Black people could force their hands if we followed the guidelines provided by Stranger than Fiction.

That’s right, from now on, if some unarmed Black person gets killed by a cop too fucking lazy to even make an arrest, let’s start withholding the portion of our taxes that goes toward paying police salaries.

We’ve got niggas among us that are smart enough to calculate said percentages.

I’m even one of them. Need me to do it?

I mean, we darkies have either gotta be the dumbest or the softest group of people on the planet if we honestly think that the status quo will change itself due to sympathy, compassion, or some sudden and, let’s admit it, brand new yearning for anything resembling “justice”.

No, we’ve gotta be the ones to make it happen.

And as tired as most of us – even Beyonce – are of them shooting us, the insult to injury being added has to be the knowledge that we’re literally paying for it.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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