Kim Kardashian’s Got too Much Class for the White House


By now, we all know that former First Lady Nancy Reagan was popular as the “Superhead” of her day and, it’s also rumored, used to suck Frank Sinatra off during his frequent and documented trips to the White House.

An abnormality, to be sure and completely atypical considering the grace and elegance with which most First Ladies conduct themselves.

I mean, Eleanor Roosevelt was a dyke, but probably everybody was back in them days.

And of course, being niggas, we hate to speculate on the pussy poppin’ of one Michelle Obama nee Robinson, despite the fact that we know that she’s from Chicago and can guess that coming out the City of Wind,  6’0″ tall, fine and with that phat ass had to make her a target.

Are we to imagine then that she rebuffed all possible suitors until Barry? Or is it just as likely some drug-dealing nigga from the hood, or maybe even some charismatic white boy from law school, got up in that, moaned her name and promised to call again but didn’t or did call again and got greeted with a “Who dis?”

Lastly, even though she’s everybody’s grandmother, there was a time when Hillary Clinton was young and, if not hot, then, uh, young.

We all saw her dancing in Africa so the desire is there. Plus we know that Sarah Palin did her own version of “Blacked” porn with basketball star Glen Rice.

What, exactly, a gwan?

Most importantly Dickie Bhee, what the fuck are you writing? What’s the point? I saw Kim Kardashian’s name somewhere in there earlier. Does any of this ever get to be about her?

Uh, yeah.

See, because of Kim K’s sex-tape history, I thought Kanye’s 2020 Presidential run was doomed.

And it’s shameful for me to have imagined this for two reasons:

  1. I’m way too old to have ever believed in some sort of “back in the days” morality where nobody fucked until marriage
  2. I just read a Vanity Fair piece about Jackie Kennedy and her sister Lee Radziwill

(cue up the OMGs)

You have to give white people this: whatever their actions, weirdness, or proclivities, they can write about it and describe it so matter-of-factly that if you’re not actually processing the events as actualities, you wouldn’t think anything significant was happening.

Like, I didn’t know that, when marrying Aristotle Onassis after her husband, John F. Kennedy got murked, not only was the former Jackie Kennedy committing would could be considered the most controversial marital act in Presidential political history, but she was also stealing her sister’s man!

That’s right.

Lee was fucking Aristotle before Jackie married him. Don’t worry, Lee was married while she was fucking Aristotle. She was married to her second husband who she started fucking while she was still married to her first husband.

And even though Jackie’s marriage to Aristotle was an immediate flop and Aristotle went running back to his mistress because Jackie wouldn’t take it in the can, the Vanity Fair piece is written as if nothing is out of the ordinary.

It all seems – and I usually hate this trite and overused word but it does work perfectly here – privileged.

No slut-shaming anywhere.

Makes me think slut-shaming’s some shit only done by the broke and if you do it then you’re betraying your pockets as being less than full.

Keep that in mind next time you ready yourself to call some bitch a ho.

And oh yeah, Yeezy ’20.


About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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