Of course, I knew from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants that Blake Lively had ass.
In fact, I thought she was bad as shit because she was standard-white-girl-beautiful; blonde hair, blue eyes, slim, and she had that big phat ass.
The interesting thing about Sisterhood though was that everybody had ass. Alexis Bledel had it, Amber Tamblyn had it, America Ferrera had more butt, but there was certainly some ass thrown in there too.
Making things even weirder, was the fact that with the exception of America Ferrera who’s Honduran, the other three were white girls!
Now historically, things were viewed this way; you could like white girls all you wanted, you could, in some cases, argue that they were prettier, there was an argument for them having better tits, and there was the huge thing about them being able to swim without having to be overly concerned with hair issues, but the one area where it was universally agreed that you’d have to compromise if your tastes ran white was on ass.
There was just no way that you could compare a white girl’s ass to a Black girl’s ass. It was like comparing a tennis racket to a beach ball.
Of course – and here’s my theory before we get into the actual phenomenon – I think white girls always had ass.
I think that in their own culture, white girls built with bodies more along the lines of Black girls were considered fat and ostracized so they dressed wrong.
So as we see the emergence of “Whooties” or “white girls with booty” – a term that’s not really used too much – and “Pawgs” or “phat ass white girls” the much more popular of the two, it’s not really an emergence at all, just a reconsideration.
And I wish Black women wouldn’t be so Pavlovian, but predictably, when Blake Lively posted a pic of her front and back on Instagram with the caption “LA Face with an Oakland booty” – a nod to the old Sir Mix-A-Lot anthem “Baby Got Back“, our queens were on social media attacking, complaining about appropriation and being a general nuisance as if having a big ol ass were not only the exclusive provenance of Black women, but also all that that they wanted to be known and celebrated for.
However, I will admit to feeling nearly as outraged as a black chick whenever some Nigger-idiot posts a vine of some pale, vaguely attractive Caucasian girl with a so-so body doing very routine Black dance moves and captions it “White Girls Winning“.
And now it’s time for me to do my own personal Michael Corleone from The Godfather III impersonation because “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”
And if you know about my struggles with porn, I really have been doing better lately – homelessness helps; I mean, they call the cops on guys spotted fapping on the train – but what would this post be without a representation of maybe (because it’s rushed)
Dickie Bhee’s Top 10 Pawgs
* While Dickie Bhee realizes that some of these hos is Latino and biracial, you think he really cares?