I’m sure certain people were hoping for a day when nobody would remember that God-awful movie “The Thing With Two Heads”.
I barely remember that shit myself.k
It’s nearly lost among the shit mom recommended.
But unlike “The Good, the Bad & The Ugly” which she praised or even “Uptown Saturday Night” which she considered mandatory, all that she’d said about this bullshit was, “You’ll get a kick outta it.”
I shoulda known something was up. I think I was on punishment.
Anyhoots, Ray Milland is dying for some reason, I’m thinking all-over-the-body terminal cancer or some shit and they promise him a replacement body.
They get soon-to-be-executed convict Rosie (cousin of Pam and former NFL star) Grier and start the process of detaching one head while attaching the other.
Needless to say, they don’t completely finish the surgery.
You can only imagine the madcap romp to follow.
And if you can then just be lucky that you can’t.
In any event, now that they’re actually performing successful penis transplants, as a nigga, I’m worried.
I mean, I’m, uh… doing alright, but Lord forbid I should get shot down on the street and some doctor or some cop or some random passerby who’s not doing as well as I am sees my prone and naked body and decides to take little Dickie and let the rest Bhee?
I mean, the world’s already got me nervous about all this “Black-on-Black Crime” thinking, as Dick Gregory famously conjectured that it’s all a front for organ harvesting which would take the commission of these crimes out of the hands of Black people and put them exactly where?
And why are so many of these things unsolved?
Can’t be ‘Stop Snitching’.
That’s never saved a nigga that the cops really wanted.
If indeed internal organs were going for a high price on the open international market, what do you think “joints” would go for?
Imagine some cat’s walking around with 10″ or 11″ on him.
Imagine they’ll pay by the inch.
If there’s one thing the murders of Michael Jackson, Tupac, Biggie and Prince has taught me is that you certainly can underestimate the evil in this here world.
And I’ve never been the type that didn’t believe in certain shit.
I took to concept of ghosts as easily as I did fried chicken.
So it’s nothing to try to convince me that sick shit happens especially when sick shit happens.
And it would be cool if we could use this opportunity to get a moratorium on bullshit.
If we could say to young dudes “Be cool! You don’t want your dick to wind up swinging from some formerly unhung fiscally superior Caucasian gentleman.”
Then again, with the caliber of intellect of some of these dudes, they’d probably just be happy to hear that their dick was getting pussy.
It’s like that old story about the NBA guy that was playing in the Mexican leagues and how he deliberately left his television in Mexico when he went back to the NBA.
When they asked him why he did it, he said it only picked up Spanish stations.
And if more than a second passed before you “Wayment”-ed the above sentence, get ready to be a dickless statistic.