The Cavs Will Sweep the Next 4


It amazes me that a blockhead that’s spent most of his adult life in the NBA Finals like LeBron James still plays like he has no fucking frame of reference whatsoever.

Every game is like a brand new experience for him.

Nigga coulda played the Drew Barrymore role in 50 First Dates.

So It actually kinda pisses me off – having picked the Cavs to win The Thing like I has done – to watch great He With the Hairline to Be Named Later flounder around out there like he just wandered in off the soccer pitch and is wondering why the refs seem to be letting everybody use their hands on the ball and whatnot.

And yes, Tyronn Lue is the Republican Nominee for President of NBA coaches; only there because the role called for a man with his own special set of non-skills, but if even Erik Spoelstra – no genius on any Mensa level – could see what needed to be done against the then-much stronger Spurs, and Lue can’t, then he should suit up in a uniform because that would be genuinely his only chance of helping the Cavs win.

And LeBron’s a disgrace. Magic Johnson was a viscous, luicrous assassin of characters and men, a knife in his hand a smile on his face, I wanna play point guard so BYE Norm Nixon, don’t like this bullshit offense so BYE Jack McKinney, but at least Magic’s underhanded moves were so over-handed (and his deviousness produced rings!), that even though you hated him, you respected him.

LeBron’s the nigga that runs you over with his car in traffic then calls the cops and says he found you.

Bill Russell coached two championships as a player – winning another 11, of course, as just a player – and I’m supposed to believe the greatest of no time is actually the greatest of some time and might in fact be the greatest of all time?


One more ring and I’ll consider him in the same sentence with Larry Legend.

But what he must do now and what he will do because he’s not a complete idiot just a blockhead, is switch on over to Steph Curry and stay there for the remainder of the series.

And he must do this on his own. He can’t wait for Lue to suggest it because Lue will suggest everything on earth, including yoga, before he comes up with any basketball-related strategy.

Gotta give it to LeBron and that Tyronn Lue bullshit. That’s even hokier than when Magic hired Pat Riley.

But if LeBron does what he must, he makes a first year champion coach out of a kid far more famous for being stepped over by Allen Iverson in the 2001 Finals than for anything else in the sport.

And oh yeah, why should (must! must!) LeBron switch over to guard Steph Curry?

Well, just like when Spoelstra had him guarding Tony Parker in the 2013 NBA Finals, LeBron will make Steph work.

Also, LeBron is no Bird meaning he’s not gonna rebound, so there’s no loss there.

With a 6’9″ defender on him constantly, Steph would be loathe to launch as randomly as he’s prone to and he’s no Russell Westbrook as far as dribble penetration is concerned so even if he wouldn’t be shut down, he’d be modified significantly.

Lastly, LeBron being out in the passing lanes and away from the basket makes him far more of a threat on the break and that’s the headache Golden State does not want.

Expect to see this kinda action by Game 2.

The whole thing’ll be over by Game 5.



About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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