Black People CONTROL the 2016 Presidential Election (but don’t worry White America, we’ll fuck it up)

Shirley (Where have you gone, Shirley Chisholm?)

As of this second, Hillary Clinton leads Donald Trump 46% to 35% across the country.

Now, 17.8 million Blacks voted in the 2012 election or 66.2%, which was, coincidentally, the first time that a higher percentage of Blacks than whites voted.

Let’s take a complicated way of saying something, then a simple way:

In 2012, the Democrat-Republican vote was pretty much split in general 50/50 while Blacks make up 23% of the Democratic vote.

Overall, Blacks are 69% Democrat, 24% Independent (Dickie Bhee) and 3% Republican.

91 million white people voted in 2012.

Now, holla at me if the math in your head tells you without the use of a calculator that 17.8 million is way more than the 11% lead Hillary has over The Donald (it’s actually 16% – I need you to keep up.)


It’s that simple.

Now, why won’t we?

Well, because we have no fucking plan!

We don’t have an agenda.

We don’t have goals.

We vote like idiots, picking candidates based on who our grandmamas used to pick and who talks to us the sweetest.

If it were up to me – and nigga, you know it’ll never be up to me – I’d promise the Black vote in bulk to whichever candidate would deliver the following.

  • Reparations – I don’t care if it’s $1000 a nigga, give us our muhfuccin cash!
  • Immediate Passports – So some of us (the smartest) can run and take advantage of the dual citizenship most African nations offer and put our reparations down on some nice beachfront property.
  • Legalization of all drugs – If 50% of all people in jail are there because of drug offenses and drugs suddenly became legal, welcome back Black Family! Besides, somebody gave me a painkiller the other day for this infection I got in my toe and that shit had me fucking flying. Exactly who decides what shit should be legal and what shouldn’t?
  • Vacate all existing drug related sentencing – for Trump, a correction of Clinton’s 94 fuckup, for Hillary, a mea culpa.
  • Institute a uniform sentencing code – and while it’s fucked up I have to waste a whole three bullet points on jail-related shit, everybody knows that a nigga and a white boy convicted of the same shit will face far different sentences.
  • Tax incentives for Black owned businesses – uh… duh?
  • Penalization of any company or individual that hires illegal labor – cause if niggas need jobs and they keep going out to non-Americans, somebody should hafta pay.
  • Abolish welfare – hold on…
  • Abolish Affirmative Action – gimme a second, I’ll get to it…
  • Abolish the minimum wage – ok, ready?

See, it’s you, you dumb fuck, who believes like any racist that niggas would be hurt the most by the abolition of welfare and other social giveaway programs but niggas that know a thing or two know that YT benefits far more from social programs – did you know the leading beneficiaries of Affirmative Action are white women? – than we do.

Let some candidate even threaten to take them shits away and there’d be more more white-on-white crime than an English Premier League match.

And as far as the minimum wage, any economist will tell you – did you know that’s what I got my degree in; Economics? – that in a racist society, Blacks suffer more due to a minimum wage because if a racist is forced to pay a certain amount, he or she would just as soon give the job to a fellow cracker.

Of course, niggas won’t insist on these or any conditions for our vote.

We’ll just go out and vote the way our grand-mammies did.


About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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