Who are the Living Goats?

pele LT rena

With Ali gone and Gordie Howe just kicking, we turn our attention or, in some cases, panic, towards the remaining “Best Evers” or “Greatest of All Times”.

Ain’t that many left.

In fact, other than my own personal basketball “goat” who is, conveniently, still alive, there’s a bunch of leftovers.

I mean yes, Bill Russell, make fun of him, knock his numbers. He shot like shit, in comparison to Olajuwon, moved like Frankenstein’s creature, and sometimes, just seemed to be wandering, but it didn’t matter who you put around him – as evidenced, like I love to point out, by the fact that he won the last of his 11 Chips with an entirely different cast than he won his first Chip with – they were going to win.

Now, if something other than winning makes somebody a goat in your book, have fun watching your loser pad his stats or dunk from the free-throw line or whatever the fuck he does.

Since Yogi Berra and his 10 rings are gone, I gotta go with Hank Aaron for baseball. Aside from Berra, there are couple other guys I might have taken before Aaron, but they’re dead too. Maybe DiMaggio, maybe Mickey Mantle. And I’m not even fucking around to include the Negro League here.

I, as well as anybody, Gloria Naylor aside, know what a lot of Negro League ball players coulda done in the majors if they’d been given the opportunity. I mean shit, look at the numbers they put up when the Negro Leagues faced the majors. It’s said that the Negro Leaguers won 60-65% of the games they faced the Major Leaguers in.

Still, it’s no fault of Babe Ruth‘s that he didn’t face Satchel Paige and no fault of Lefty Grove‘s that he didn’t face Josh Gibson.

It was a fault of the times, not the players.

So working with what I have and, like I said, I’m usually a “rings first” dude, I’ll compromise if the numbers are just absurd as Hank’s. A .305 lifetime hitter, former all-time home run leader and still the all-time leader in rbis and total bases? Look at his World Series numbers too. His team split them but he, personally, wasn’t fucking around.

Gotta go with Jerry Rice for football and he is my goat so there’s no compromise. With 208, Rice is the NFL’s all-time leading touchdown-scorer and he did that from the receiver position. And, of course, there’s the thing about the 4 rings. I even get my defensive guy, Lawrence Taylor. You guys are fucked up if you hafta pick after me. As far as quarterbacks, I don’t give a shit. I can pick as low as 50th and still beat any team put out there against me if I’ve got Rice and Taylor.

G’head and take:

  1. Tom Brady
  2. Peyton Manning
  3. Joe Montana
  4. John Elway
  5. Brett Favre
  6. Aaron Rogers
  7. Joe Namath
  8. Bart Starr
  9. Roger Staubach
  10. Steve Young.

I’ll take Bradshaw and beat your ass. He’s got four rings..

And you Maradona fans are all dumb as bricks.

You’re talking 1 World Cup win versus 3.

Where’d you learn math or, from the new Donald Trump school of insults, is that how they teach you math down there in South America?

You god damn right I’m taking Pele.

Lastly, although I’m being a bit presumptive to assume she’ll eventually pass Margaret Court and Steffi Graf and win the most Grand Slam women’s titles in history, with 21 she’s only 1 behind Graf and 3 behind Court and you be the fool to bet against Serena Williams if you wanna!


About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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