Steph Curry Sucks Just Like Willie Mays

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Did you know that Willie Mays has exactly one postseason home run?

One.

This from a dude that in his 22 seasons in Major League Baseball had a total of 660 home runs, which for 31 years, was good for 3rd all-time in Major League history, right behind Babe Ruth and leader Hank Aaron until Willie’s own godson, Barry Bonds, passed all three.

But not only could he not hit the long ball in the post season, Willie pretty much couldn’t hit shit.

.247 batting average, .323 on-base percentage and a .337 slugging percentage in his 25 career post-season games are bizarro numbers from a man that gave you .302, .384, and .557 lifetime, and this despite playing arguably 4 years too long and adding to the argument that when the New York Giants became the San Francisco Giants, they moved into a ball park that worked against Willie’s swing potentially costing him some homers he could have had if they’d stayed in the Apple.

And Willie Mays, in case you didn’t know, is widely considered the greatest outfielder to ever play baseball, some would argue the greatest position player, some would just flat out say the best.

Yet in the postseason and despite The Chip with the Giants in 1954, he sucked ass.

Now who does that remind you of?

Oh yeah, ol’ Green Eyes.

And he’s lucky he has ol’ Draymond Green who couldn’t close his lips even with that vice they used on the mobster’s head in Casino,

and good ol’ Klay Thompson who, I dunno, maybe should hire a new secretary because that memo’s gotta be years old by now; you know the one detailing how brush waves will no longer be tolerable, not even for light-skinned guys?

Then there’s those other bozos that make the Warriors so loathsome.

Andre, how many syllables in “Iguoadala”? I’ve heard it pronounced “Ig-oo-doll-aah” and “Ig-oh-aah-doll-aah”.

Why don’t you say that shit yourself so that a nigga might know, eh?

Then there’s Harrison Barnes… you never see a mic in that nigga’s face after a game. He’s like the new Antonio McDyess.

Then there’s Andrew Bogut. Never forgot that racially incendiary shit you said a few years back, you big Aussie.

They shoulda gave yo ass a championship woven bracelet since you’re not into “jewellery” or however you spell it Down Under, you illiterate fuck.

Last there’s Steve Kerr.

Channelling ol’ Eddie Kane Jr., Mark Jackson must look at this fraud of a, ahem, “coach” and wanna ask – after an impromptu version of “Nights Like This”, of course – “How does it feel to be me?”

Is it pretty obvious that I’m not a Warriors fan?

Not that I like Cleveland either.

I’m a Knicks fan.

I do put respek on the name of Shaun Livingston, tho.

That boy got his entire game back from an injury that should have put him out of the basketball forever.

I like Ayesha Curry too.

Holding it down for all the married, virgin, mothers of two.

There are more of those than you’d think.

I even kinda like Steph.

I just know better than to expect him to do anything when the Finals roll around.

Last season, Steph’s scoring went up but he forced shots as evidenced by the fact that his shooting percentages both from 3-point range and overall were way down in comparison to the regular season.

This season, all his Finals numbers are down by that same comparison.

You know, they call players that perform their best when the stakes are highest “clutch”.

Since that’s the case, should we call Steph “automatic”?

About the Author

dickiebhee
Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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