Cloned Gucci Mane & Why Rappers Go to Jail



I thought I told you lunatics back when y’all was tryna clone Beyonce that you just don’t get “finished meat”.

So whatever with what Lil Boosie says, a woman’s still got to go through the entire gestation period and bring a whole, living infant into the world from a cloned cell.

Then that baby’s gotta grow to become an adult.

So, again, Gucci’s parent’s woulda had to have been thinking, “You know what? We’re probably gonna need a backup” way back when Gucci Mane was still Gucci Baybee for there to be actual same-aged clone of the rapper just floating around and easily replaceable with the genuine article whenever whoever felt like making the swap.

And, again, like I said, it’s not like cloning doesn’t exist.

But you can’t honestly imagine that “scientists” would, without prompting, take it upon themselves to clone a rapper, can you?

I mean, I could far easier see those nerdy dweebs scraping through old Marilyn Monroe hairbrushes just to bring up a version of her that they could keep locked in a dungeon and fuck like there was no outside world.

No, what’s happening is that Gucci’s not being given enough credit for his depth.

This is a simple mistake a lot of us make.

We buy the image and think that’s all there is to the person.

The reality is, however, for anyone at all to become a celebrity in this celebrity-obsessed culture, they’d have to be not only layered, but probably also reasonably intelligent or at least preternaturally aware.

So sorry to burst the bubbles of anyone who would have rather believed Gucci just to be a mush-mouth half-rhyming MC idiot.

He is all those things, except the idiot part.

And why did he go to jail?

I mean, not specifically Gucci, but why is it never a surprise when rappers go to jail?

That question shouldn’t perplex us beyond the point of us acknowledging that when Black servicemen returned from World War II, they got lynched right in their uniforms.

Y’all know how hard America works not only to restrain the Black male psyche, but almost especially his ego, and whenever some nigga gets it into his head that he’s “better” or “special” that’s when he has to be reminded that he’s oh so not.

And don’t get me wrong, there are intriguing extenuating circumstances to which niggas go to jail for which crimes and which beat raps.

Like, say, a nigga like Greg Hardy, who beat his white bitch to pulp, still had enough value as a football player to be worth it to someone somewhere to keep outside of a prison.

It’s times like this that the misguided would be shocked that the American judicial system wouldn’t protect the virtues of white womanhood but remember, she had already voluntarily shacked up with a Nigger so, a la OJ, she became “teachable moment” for any other white girl that might think of delving into dark meat.

Let Greg Hardy’s ass have killed a dog, tho.

That said, rappers don’t have a leg to stand on because nobody – of worth at least – even likes rap music.

And if you’re ridiculous enough to believe that a rapper has value for his unrecorded material, understand that music is the most bird-in-the-hand of all the arts and faced with the choice between collecting on the existing category of dead or indisposed musician or gambling on the worth of an artist’s upcoming projects, which do you think any credible businessman would choose?

I would tell you to ask Prince but we can’t.





About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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