Ben Affleck, Hoes, & Birds of a Feather

FILE - In this May 6, 2014 file photo, Bill Simmons arrives at the world premiere of "Million Dollar Arm" at El Capitan Theatre in Los Angeles. ESPN says that it is parting ways with Bill Simmons, one of its top personalities who created the Grantland website and was instrumental in the network's documentary series. Network president John Skipper said Friday that he decided not to renew Simmons' contract. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File)

It comes as no surprise at all that scum like Ben Affleck, a douche so cliché that he fucked up his marriage by cheating with the nanny of all people – think Schwarzenegger, but not Tiger Woods here; Woods married a nanny – would play lapdog for Boston-area icon and fellow cheat Tom Brady.

And the thing is, he almost coulda got away with it.

If, in what is slowly becoming a viral rant from Bill Simmons new show showcasing Bill Simmons ability to be shown, Affleck had kept it 100 and simply argued in defense of Tom Brady’s notoriously deflating footballs during the 2015 AFC Championship – an act which has subsequently come to be known as “deflategate” – as just another case of a great sportsman trying to gain a competitive advantage, niggas mighta been like, well, on some level, almost everybody cheats.

But no.

This dude Afflect tried to deflect.

By even having the unmitigated gall to suggest that the NFL has a bigger problem with domestic abuse than it ever could with Tom Brady, Afflect reminded us of exactly who he is, and why we should never trust a muhfucca like that with our money, kids, votes, wives or whatever the fuck else we got.

I know I’m a broken record on this, but who gives a fuck if an NFL player beats his wife? Shit, that’s his wife! What the fuck does that have to do with how he plays football on Sunday? I don’t wanna know anything about this dude’s personal life, but if he’s doing something football related that fucked up or a scam or a lie, that’s when you clue me in.

It’s only when feminist groups and other isolated legions of non-fans in their eternal quest for control of stuff they shouldn’t even give a shit about got involved did domestic violence become an NFL “issue”.

And only a man that cheated on his wife with a nanny could make a play for attracting the attention of those groups in his defense of Tom Brady.

You know what type dude this guy Ben Affleck is.

He’s some ol’ Joe “All the Things (Your Man Won’t Do)” before it got recycled as Bryson Tiller’s “Don’t“-type dude.

He be so obsessed with other dudes that he can’t wait to fuck their exes.

He was swimming in Gwyneth Paltrow the minute Brad Pitt pulled out.

And he obviously wanted to test his D game versus Diddy so he banged J Lo‘s phat ass as soon as all the other dick was outta the way.

That he lucked up and married All-American white girl and genuinely fine bitch Jennifer Garner seems more of a Hollywood franchise move than anything else.

Then, of course, he fucked that up.

And make no mistake, while the guy has ability, he is not the acting talent of his peer group.

His buddy, or former buddy – who knows about these things nowadays? – Matt Damon acts circles around him.

Can you imagine Affleck tryna pull off Tom Ripley?

And were you surprised that out of every actor ever famously born in or known to have visited Boston, Affleck was noticeably absent from Martin Scorsese’s The Departed?

So yeah, one cheat – like Affleck – should naturally Stan for another cheat – like Brady – particularly when the second cheat is as much as a dirtbag as the first.

Let’s not forget Tom Terrific had two chicks pregnant at the same time.

And come this Presidential election, is it even a surprise who Tom’s supporting?

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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