I’ve been in this situation myself.
More than a few times, actually.
Most famously, with this celebrity journalist chick with whom I just fell into a box-eating pattern.
One night though, I tried to force it in, almost ruining our friendship.
Does this mean I was almost a rapist?
Well, no, and not just because I’m Dickie Bhee, but because there was never a spoken agreement as to how our shit would go or how far it would go.
And see, for the record, “rape” isn’t so much anything sexual that’s not agreed upon, but it’s certainly anything sexual that’s been denied.
So yeah, Ian Connor, fashion stylist to the stars of Hip Hop, Kanye West consultant, A$AP Mob associate, Wiz Khalifa affiliate did indeed rape a young Emory University student Malika Anderson – if what she’s saying is true – because their deal had been exclusively box eating.
And it was after this deal had been agreed upon that Mr. Connor allegedly decided to just slip it in.
Sneak-fucking is rape, fellas.
In other words, does the woman who gets sneak-fucked have the same right to the term as the woman walking down the street minding her own business that’s attacked by the Unknown Man in the Shadows?
Well, yes and no.
For one, the Unknown Man in the Shadows, in addition to being a rapist, is also a terrorist.
Eventually his victim may figure out that his main intention is sex, but what about those harrowing moments when she’s not sure if her life is on the line?
And while a sneak-fucker like Ian Connor is certainly not in that class, the one similarity he shares with the Unknown Man in the Shadows is that he’s a thief of power.
He has, by force, lies, or coercion, taken away a woman’s ability to control her own body.
That’s some vile shit.
The only even slightly possible understandable comparison for a man would be if he were in a position during some pretty standard sex with a chick when not only suddenly and without warning, she shoved a cucumber up his ass, but moreover, somehow gained complete control over the situation to the point where she was shoving it up his ass repeatedly.
Add to that the idea that she did so gleefully, mockingly even.
And that, after he’d insisted and she’d agreed that there’d be no ass-play.
Afterwards, she’s like, “Come on; you didn’t like that a little bit?” having assumed the gloating, self-congratulatory posturing associated with the sexual conqueror.
Man, you’d wanna kill that bitch.
And chances are, that if this exchange left you so scarred that you felt that legal action was your only recourse, you’d probably be so embarrassed you wouldn’t even be able to conduct a full interview with the officer responsible for filing a complaint.
Hence the dilemma; what should be done about the sneak-fucker?
Does he warrant the same punishment as the Unknown Man in the Shadows?
Is he like a speeder; can you calibrate his fine based on how many miles above the speed limit he was going?
Or should it be castration; finally and ultimately, for all those lousy degenerate rapist bastards?