Amber Heard, Beauty, & Why Science Should Stick to Erectile Dysfunction and Hair Growth

black chick

Real people have real problems!

The bulk of us are fucked up out here!

So when I hear that science has momentarily turned a deaf eye and a blind ear to erectile dysfunction and hair restoration – even if it’s only for a moment – I get worried!

I mean, the movie Idiocracy aside, those are the prevailing scientific issues of interest and have been since the dawn of time.

Fuck cancer, AIDS, space exploration and the meaning of life.

Those are for losers!

The winners among us want good hair and big dicks!

Science, never an exact, er, science, has gotta be careful about the subjects it chooses to tackle if only because of the masses out there that quote its findings like gospel.

Like the canvas to an early Tyson opponent, “science” and “statistics” are the twin cushions fallen back on by every halfwit who finds himself over his head in an intellectual debate.

And you’d think after an entire history with everything having been wrong from the world being flat to all the other planets in the universe revolving around the earth, that people would be a bit hesitant to simply rush off and quote shit just because some dude in a white lab coat said it.

So when I read that “science” had actually taken aim at determining beauty and that big phat asses would have nothing to do with this determination, well, I just had to see the ho they picked to be the standard bearer.

Turns out it was Amber Heard of whom I know nothing more than Pineapple Express and allegedly getting Chris Brown-ed by Johnny Depp.

I Googled to see if she had an ass and Google’s response was audible laughter. Then I clicked on images.

I guess booty is the only thing left in the eye of the beholder.

But it’s Ms. Heard’s face that, according to some Ancient Greek Phi representation of diametric standards is the most beautiful on the planet.

Any other questions as to why Ancient Greece collapsed?

Them muhfuccas couldn’t see!

I mean, Amber Heard is ok.

But when you have to apply junk science to justify a personal preference you’ve already lost.

Never mind that you’ve done the most absurd shit ever: you’ve taken beauty out of the interpretative and forced it into the mathematical.

Imagine some nigga tried the opposite; “Say Bruh, I know I owe you $100 but these new $20s got a dope pic of Harriet Tubman so I decided to just hit you with one of those.”

Think that would work?

The craziest shit about making beauty scientific is disagreements are no longer simply differences of opinion, your choice could actually make you dumb.

You could pick the wrong answer.

Predictably, there were no Black women – aside from Rihanna – that garnered as much as a mention in any of the beauty categories.

They were all somewhere too busy being strong, I guess.

Told you Black chicks about that bullshit; letting muhfuccas call you “strong” like it was some kinda compliment.

Now, I can’t even mess with y’all no more.

I’ve gotta run off and try to fuck Amber Heard or else I’ll look like some kinda idiot.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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