The Top 10 Reasons the Cops Shot Charles Kinsey


As you know, because you don’t miss anything, you’re alive, you were alive yesterday, you’re literate, topical, on top of things a Man of Action, A Person of Interest or a Woman Making it Happen, Charles Kinsey, a mental healthcare worker down in Florida, was shot a couple days ago by police while laying flat on his back with his arms raised.

Now of course, there’s a whole movement that formed due to just these types of police shootings, but unlike with certain situations in the past where some of the people shot – and with, of course, the spectacular exception of 12 year-old Tamir Rice – had either criminal records or criminal histories, Mr. Kinsey seems to be a clean living straight shooter (pardon that pun), and exactly the type of person you’d imagine that well ordered and disciplined police force would rush to save from any kinds of engagement with weapons, not fire upon themselves.

But fire upon him they did. And he was pretty pissed. Can you blame him? Mr. Kinsey’s main complaint seems to be, aside from the fact that after shooting him, the police waited for 20 minutes before calling for an ambulance to pick him up and assist him health-wise, that when he demanded of the offending officer a reason for his being shot asking simply, “Why did you shoot me?” the officer had replied just as simply, “I don’t know.”

Well, luckily, we’re so we know.

Very little escapes us here.

And even if we can’t pinpoint with certainty the exact reason that something took place, we’ll getcha so “ballpark” that you’ll be on the field with the players.

So it’s in this award-winning, ground-breaking spirit that we present to you The Top 10 Reasons that Charles Kinsey was shot.

And while some of them may seem to be facetious, all of them are more than likely true and one or two of them are almost definite.

Stay vigilant kids.

Not saying that this could happen to anybody, but depending on what you look like, it could sure as hell happen to you.

10. The glare off of his yellow shirt in the sunlight made it impossible for them to tell if he was reaching for something.

9. They didn’t trust him to surrender after he had so clearly kidnapped the man playing with the truck.

8. Police always take the precaution when someone’s threatening suicide – which is what the call to the police was initially about – to use deadly force because they’re ultimately there to help out.

7. Thought he was praying to Allah for artillery.

6. Thought they’d landed in World War Z and he was already a zombie.

5. Weren’t certain that they’d shot him already so they shot him again just to make sure.

4. The hospital is by a Dunkin Donuts whereas the precinct is in the other direction.

3. Can’t get authorized for new bullets until they’d used all the old ones.

2. Just like whenever a Black person says, “I know my rights!” a compliant or procedural Black person really pisses cops off. They’d far prefer a little back talk and “sass”.

1. He’s Black, they’re cops.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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