1986 was an amazing year.
The Giants were in the midst of their Super Bowl XXI winning season.
And the Mets won the World Series.
Along this time, some weird Jamaican from the Bronx set a tone by dissing the whole borough of Queens in his song South Bronx.
Shockingly, even LL Cool J failed to point out that the Mets played in Queens, and though it was rumoured at the time that the Bronx had a baseball team as well, you’d have been hard pressed to confirm it that year.
But Alex Rodriguez fucked hoes.
He fucked both Madonna and Kate Hudson.
That’s some accomplishment.
Teammate Lenny Dykstra confirms that along with the swing of legendary Mets slugger Darryl Strawberry, there was the swing of legendary Mets slugger Darryl Strawberry.
Hold on now…
We’re not asking for details.
Our point is this:
Darryl, deep threat of those ’86 Mets, was married to this bad Black bitch named Lisa; fine, dark-skinned, a winner. He put two babies in her then put one in some next chick.
Too proud for that shit, Lisa bounced.
Darryl’s on what? His third marriage now? His fourth?
A Rod’s first-wife was bad too.
Then he started fucking hoes and, like Darryl, lost her.
Wonder how that feels.
But he’s got a ring.
Won it with th ’09 Yankees.
Haters can eat his ass.
And I’d hate Jeter if I was A Rod and I’d hate A Rod if I were Jeter.
Nigga, I got you your 5th ring…
Cabron, I had four when you got here...
Who says teammates hafta like each other?
A Rod walks off into the sun if you count being ushered out in a wheel barrel “walking”.
He didn’t even get the dignity of Kobe’s farewell tour.
And that nigga’s a rapist.
Anyhoots, in conclusion, dick rained (and reigned) when A Rod was really on his job.
And it’s sad because there’s really no New York athlete out there fucking who’ll replace him.
It’s almost time to demand the Carmelo and La La sextape.
And remember the boy with so much promise.
That kid that played in Seattle with Ken Griffey Junior, Edgar Martinez and a monster cast of losers that never went where you thought they would.
Remember him in Texas if you can, I only remember him in the uniform.
But front not on the ability of a man who, realistically, steroids probably only helped less than a tenth of a percent; the other half was physical.
And, I’m sorry, but one ring is all it takes. Ask any from each side. Ask Favre and Iverson.
Ask Ted Williams and Bob Pettit.
Ask A Rod and Dan Marino.
Hell, ask the other A Rod.
But the baseball one was better.
And don’t try to make me some kinda moralist, I’d put them all in the Hall, starting with Darryl and Doc, but including Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, A Rod, Pete Rose…
I judge players on playing. Let God judge them on living.
So Goodbye, A Rod.
Walk out with dignity.
You were and are a champion.