I had business at the Trump Tower so I wasn’t too happy about seeing some jackass try to climb that bitch.
Idiot didn’t even have the good sense to try to go up the 5th Avenue side where we all could have seen him more clearly.
No, this lame brain is in the back, all the way near Madison, right off the corner of 56th and, since the sun had already started to set, climbing without the light.
You know how hard it was to film that fool and get a good shot on him while he was doing all that simultaneously stupid shit at once?
So, bummed out, I checked Twitter.
Turns out, Malia Obama, Barack and Michelle’s oldest, is now officially “one of us“!
Well, while I couldn’t be happier, I also heard that she was getting high while hanging out with Chance the Rapper’s brother.
This led to distress.
I figured the least I could do was point her in the right direction musically, as I had no one to show me the ropes when I started smoking and could have saved a lot in time and energy if I had simply knew of some of this music as opposed to stumbling across it, blunt in hand, then trying like hell to remember it the next morning. That, and where’d I’d put my pants.
So, here we go:
- What would getting high be without “The One Dem Call…” I picked a classic here, nothing too aggressive or too soft
- Gotta go offspeed with this one and yeah, I considered “With a Little Help From My Friends” but this one is the stronger song, even if it is about LSD and not weed
- NOW let’s try some Hip Hop. And since it’s about getting high, let’s try the two best from the East Coast to ever do it
- Now let’s go super old-school and let’s try one of the best from ANYWHERE to ever do it
- A great intellect once said that just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean that nobody’s out to get you. That said, here’s how to feel like everybody checking and comfortable at the same time
- And before we leave Hip Hop, let’s check with a couple guys whose relationship should remind you that no matter how far you go, always keep those that love you in your thoughts
- Now for a little female-empowerment. Leaving the club with your girls type stuff. This’ll get you amped for your next stop
- Now, as a smoked-out woman, you absolutely must know how to lie through your teeth with complete confidence and if this song can’t teach you, I don’t know what can
- And of course, now that you’re on the path toward becoming “woke” a little background on the origin of the term is probably in order
- Finally, if you feel you’ve lost your sense of moderation and have teetered over the brink, the eery classic will snap you back to reality like someone grabbed the elastic on your underwear
Enjoy and welcome young Miss Obama.
There’s no place like home!