Kim K’s Robbery Was an Inside Job


Ok, so I used to make a lot of jokes at Kim Kardashian’s expense.

The bulk of that changed after Kanye dropped The Life of Pablo proving to me that Kim was not, in fact, Zelda Fitzgerald and might indeed actually be the nigga’s muse.

All that shit aside though, now we’re dealing with the fact that the mom of two was allegedly robbed at gunpoint in a Paris hotel room while her hubby was performing live onstage in New York.

That’s a problem.

And it’s a problem not only because it echos the type of international celebrity crime incident during which Liverpool England native John Lennon lost his life in Manhattan, but also because I can’t imagine anything scarier that being held, let alone robbed at gunpoint.

One twitch or just nervous overanxious or eager gunman could turn that scene from a standard robbery into something truly horrifying.

Then we’ve gotta deal with not only two orphaned children, but a Kanye West that both lost his mom to The Beauty Myth, and his wife to robbers who were were almost certainly not Ni**as in Paris (niggas being an exclusively American phenomenon and all).

And if they wanna find those two robbers, all they hafta do is keep close tabs on all the hotel employees because this was certainly an inside job.

Don’t think for a minute that two armed thieves just stumbled unaccosted into a luxury hotel and knew exactly which room Kim Kardashian was staying in.

Oh no, they were tipped off from the door as to which room was hers.

In fact, I’d go as far as to speculate that the guilty employee, be he/she a bellman, concierge, housekeeping staff member of even manager, has thieves on deck that he/she calls during just such situations.

After such robberies, they split the loot.

And this isn’t just mere speculation.

I used to work at a hotel in White Plains and the head doorman was so important that he was a literal bully.

He was so offensive and obnoxious and outrageous that the hotel actually fired him once but, due to boisterous, sustained and continuous complaints, had to bring him right back at which point he demanded – and received – a pay raise.

And why, you may ask, was a doorman so important?

Well, his connections to the local underworld, of course!

He knew where to get the coke, he knew how to hire the whores, he knew of all the local gambling dives and which rollers might, on command, be willing to relocate the action at least temporarily to the hotel.

And while it’s true that at hotels, as with most insular, close knit establishment, all the walls have eyes and ears and almost everybody knows something and somebody, there’s also, without question, a hierarchy.

This means that not only do those in charge at the hotel where Kim was/is staying during the robbery probably know who was the connect for the robbery, they may also know who the robbers were.

Everybody has a specialty.

Betcha if I checked into that same hotel requesting a black hooker with blonde dreadlocks, one could be provided quickfast by somebody that knew the living embodiment of my request.

And as I’d be expected to rave about that hotel’s outstanding ability to accommodate, here’s a chance for the Kardashian Brand to flex it’s international muscle by putting that hotel on blast with the express intent of getting Kim K’s shit back.

The hotel both knows where it is and they know who took it.

You can believe that.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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