Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to the Right


Maybe I had my head under a brick because the first time I even remember hearing about somebody being afraid of clowns, it was on Seinfeld.

I was like, “WTF???”

Clowns were supposed to make you laugh.

But, then, here we go: cops are supposed to protect you, but if you’re Black and you’ve got problems, would it really be in your best interest to go running toward the cops?

Probably not.

And the dual fact that there are now reports of roving packs of clowns terrorizing people coupled with the wholesale police denial of the whole idea is enough to remind you of shit like the fact that after the first plane hit the World Trade Center, supervisors in those buildings were telling employees that everything was under control and to go back to work.

Luckily, Black Americans have a natural distrust of “authority” so despite the fact that it’s the Black guy in the horror movie that usually dies first or most gruesomely, I’ll bet a whole lotta niggas make it out alive from this clown fiasco.

But why now with the clowns, you may be asking.

Now’s actually perfect.

Look at the Republican candidate for President.

That fool is orange!

But more than that, now with irrational terror back in the mainstream for the first time maybe since 9/11, there seems to be a competition going on as far as what can scare us the most.

As Americans, of course, you have the economy as always, the fact that full time jobs are seemingly being lost and the loss on the world scale of prestige as formerly Third World countries like North Korea emerge and go nuclear.

That coupled with Islam, which has amazingly become synonymous with terrorism and actual terrorism itself which, as of late, seems to have neither rhyme, nor reason.

Gay guys shooting up gay clubs, shrapnel bombs in the Chelsea section of Manhattan, mass shootings so often the hashtags for them don’t last a full day, and, of course, if you’re Black, the eternal threat that the cops might pull you over on the street or in a car, take an immediate dislike to you while also deciding that they’re afraid of you and blow your brains out.

It’s gotten to the point where you seemingly have to choose between joining the ranks of the terrorists or joining the ranks of the terrorized.

Enter the clowns. Nobody even had to send them in.

Now, no matter what Naomi Wolf may think about makeup, its use is, primarily, to hide things.

As far as clowns are concerned, makeup is used to hide a face entirely.

And what better way to perpetrate a crime than to have your face hidden entirely?

So I would naturally suspect that anybody in clown makeup that couldn’t prove that they were off to host a children’s party somewhere would be doing something criminal.

And if the cops really wanted to shut this whole shit down – which we know they don’t because of the fact that they’re going as far as to deny that these terrorizing clowns even exist – they could implement that “Stop and Frisk” shit they’re so crazy about using on niggas.

I mean, here’s a group of people that you should suspect on sight of being up to no good.

The problem is, I guess, that you couldn’t just shoot a clown randomly.

He or she might be white under that makeup.

So I guess we’ll just have to wait this clowns shit out.

In the meantime, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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