To Prove Its Not Racist, America Must Let Nigeria Pick Its Next President

When you’re homeless, TV with sound is a rare delicacy indeed.

I spend almost all my other TV time cramming to read the subtitles from the treadmills of Planet Fitness.

So I was literally glued to CNN while doing a load of laundry this morning and the results were mixed.

First came Dr. Qanta Ahmed to argue that Donald Trump’s plan to ban Muslim entry to the United States would actually be beneficial to Islam.

Some non-essential double-talk aside, her basic point was the separation of the “dangerous” Muslims from the productive ones, you know, the type of “good” Negro, “bad” Negro bullshit that niggas know to reject from the door because those determinations are never required for white people.

Who knew Muslims had Uncle Toms and since she’s a woman, what would her Auntie name be?

Then came the part I found fascinating:

I mean, God bless Obama, but he really should chill, fuck it.

He acts like a cops who’s shift is about to end in five minutes but really wants to nab that guy that just hopped the subway turnstile.

Nigga, don’t you know that that’ll be another two hours in paperwork?

But, nevertheless, he presses forward with his plan to “get to the bottom” of Russia computer hacking and influencing our last Presidential election.

And though cheered by his doggedness, I’m also a little insulted by Barry because he won’t just admit what’s obvious to everybody in the entire world: Russia picked our President.

And what would be scary if I weren’t Black and therefore hadn’t lost the capacity to be scared sometime right after learning that the cops somehow couldn’t tell the difference between me and a common criminal, is that far too great a segment of the white population seems absolutely giddy about said Russian influence.

I mean, even on CNN, some OG white chick who’s name I unfortunately wasn’t quick enough to grab, was more than simply borderline praising Russian Premier Vladimir Putin because, after Obama kicked out the 35 Russian “spies” and Putin had refused to do the same as far as the American “diplomats” in his country were concerned, she actually described the scenario as Putin “refusing to stoop” to Obama’s “level”.

I’m like, what’s your allegiance, bitch; color or country?

And perhaps a history lesson is in order here.

Russia was only moments away from ending us during the Kennedy Administration.

Those 13 days could have gone either way.

And it’s not like that was just a moment in time, the very movies of that era, from Dr. Strangelove, to Seven Days in May, to Fail Safe, seemed to be trying to prepare us for the more than passing possibility of shit getting nuclear.

What; forgot that people built bunkers back then because war seemed so imminent?

And even before then, when we’d actually rocked with Russia during World War II to end the European plague known as Nazism, them Russians, after killing Hitler, stole his body so that the United States could never actually confirm that he was dead and the specter of his existence could haunt us for eternity.

By now, you’d think we’d know better than to trust the Ruskies but, (badly) paraphrasing Hov, “Y’all gonna learn…” sometime shortly after January 20, 2017.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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