I’m convinced that maybe 100 years from now, some future music historian will be researching all the great musical beefs, friendly and not-so-friendly, from the late 20th and early 21st Century and become perplexed when he encounters the infamous Beyonce vs. Kim Kardashian beef.
He’ll probably determine that the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones was mostly friendly while Drake vs. Meek Mill was mostly not so, but when dealing with the Beyonce vs. Kim K joint, he’ll only have one side from which to draw conclusions.
Therefore, he’ll probably feel like a cop listening to George Zimmerman’s account of what happened that night with Trayvon; having only one side of the story available, he’ll feel forced to consider that side the truth.
Or he could, like many Trayvon supporters, determine that there’s another, greater truth that died that very night with Trayvon.
And make no mistake, if you’ve read diverse enough history, you’ll know that a popular Jewish paranoia going back to the time of El Cid was that in attempts to commit a pogrom against the people, their holy books would be stolen, adulterated and reintroduced as the work of the thieves that stole them.
So our intrepid reviewer may arrive at a far darker conclusion as to what happened to all the great hits that Kim Kardashian produced during her legendary and epic musical career.
Of course, we living in the present are fully aware that although a Beyonce vs. Kim Kardashian beef almost certainly exists, music damn sure ain’t the point of contention.
I mean, it’s rumored that Kim K went into full “look-at-me-AGAIN!” mode on the day that Beyonce announced her pregnancy with twins and though personally, even though even I’ll go as far as to admit that Kim K is white-girl fine, has a big ass and well sculptured tits, I never did figure out why anybody had any interest in continuing to look at her when most of us had already seen all that we needed to see when she was dangling from the edge of Ray J’s cock as if it were a window ledge that she’d decided to jump from then, mid plummet, reconsidered.
Beyonce, on the other hand, doesn’t do herself any favors by engaging in this beef and if, as rumored, she had IVF not only to get pregnant again but also to be one baby up on Kim K, then you’d hafta think her level of petty would be about as bad as LeBron James pulling over on his way to a NBA Finals game because somebody on a poorly lit playground basketball court screamed out “You suck!” as his car passed.
Still, all this will be lost by the time that it’s examined by our future music historian.
And while it’s possible that the nation and the world will have gone total Idiocracy and that no form of celebrity will be based on anything but celebrity itself, I’d argue that it’s even more likely that a return to genuine aesthetic appreciation is in the forecast and that our historian, having found no great Kim K musical catalog, will conclude that Beyonce had, at some point, become so powerful and evil that her vampire instincts took over and she fully devoured all of Kim K’s tunes that she favored and destroyed any evidence of the rest.
That’s why it’s important that this ridiculous beef between the two women end.
The prospect of properly informed future generations depends on it.