One of my earliest jobs fresh outta my illustrious HBCU was on Wall Street.
It was bullshit, really.
Middle office stuff.
I was and am the World’s Greatest Writer.
But, you know, I had to feed myself.
Still, I’m a friendly muhfucca so eventually, I struck up casual chatting with my coworkers that led to a whole bunch of them one night inviting me to a strip club.
I protested like a Mexican woman named Latifah.
But they insisted.
So I went.
I didn’t wanna go.
Not only did I have a girl at the time, but the last thing in the whole dead world I wanted was for a buncha white boys to see me even partially salivating over some white hoes.
So, as usual, I brought my book and read that shit almost the whole night, with the exception of times I looked up to watch the Knicks on TV.
Naturally, this piqued the interest of several of the stripper bitches and I found myself involved in a series of deep conversations involving naked hoes with boob jobs about literature; Proust (who I hadn’t read yet), Faulker (who I hadn’t read yet) and Baldwin (who I was currently reading).
Not a bad night after all.
Now, I never found George Lopez funny with the possible exception of that joke he did about wanting to throw up when he saw Britney Spears’ pussy, but today he caused a furor when a video of him surfaced not only, in earnest, calling a mixed Black and Mexican woman a bitch, but also joking that in Latino families, one of the rules is “Don’t marry somebody Black.”
We must really be living in the upside down right now because I'm actually on George Lopez's side after seeing this pic.twitter.com/967mcuIHo7
— Abraham Cavazos (@cavazus) February 8, 2017
Now, while even I’ll agree that the way he was screaming on the Black/Mexican chick did seem a little harsh, for the life of me, I can’t understand why so many Black people seem pissed that Latinos don’t wanna marry us.
They sure as shit wanna fuck us and that should be about the extent of any shared interest.
What is it with so many of ya’ll that you tie up your intrinsic value into your perceived desirability?
Don’t you know you better than that?
It’s Mission Accomplished if a muhfucca, any muhfucca can make you feel less than about being the baddest thing on God’s green earth.
And shit, since all it takes to qualify is one great-grandparent, niggas can look any kinda fucking way – and still be niggas – we can think any kinda way – and still be niggas – we can be any kind of way – and still be niggas – and we are any kinda way – and are still niggas.
So when we hear somebody like Lopez say the kinda shit that he did, we should feel as relieved as the Chicago Bulls when they watched two other teams bypass Jordan in the 1984 NBA Draft.
More niggas for us!
Why are we so eager to merge with Other?
Has the brainwashing worked?
Are you the type nigga always talking about your “Indian blood” or have you gone full “Tiger Woods” and you’re now into the sort of funky self-reinvention so bizarre and extreme that it even involves a new title?
Stop all that crazy shit!
You’re acting like a bunch of women that all fully endorse The Beauty Myth.
Instead of being triggered when hearing that some group that we should share a mutual disinterest in doesn’t want to marry us, breathe a fucking sigh of relief.
I mean shit, when you’re already Black, what can brown do for you?