Can Beyonce Sing?

I used to say all the time that the one reason that Muhammad Ali ain’t knock more muhfuccas out was because some muhfuccas would rather die in the ring than get knocked out by a nigga that pretty.

Case in point, Joe Frazier, who in three fights, Ali never as much as knocked down, got beat all around the ring and lost his belt to a young George Foreman who, for my money, never hit Joe as hard as Ali hit him with that hammer that knocked his mouthpiece out in The Thrilla in Manila.

That punch would have killed a village.

But Joe wouldn’t even fall.

Refused to.

Ken Norton wouldn’t fall for Ali either.

And Ali, bear in mind, was a dude that knocked out not only dudes that had never been knocked down before like Chuck Wepner, but also previously thought to be unbeatales like Sonny Liston and George Foreman.

Similarly, when you look as good as Beyonce and you’ve got ass and any nigga with a dick would cum all up inside you and rub some on your belly and then kiss it, it’s easily to lose perspective on artistic merit.

Hence Carlos Santana and that inane bullshit he tried to peddle off yesterday arguing that Adele could “sing, sing” while Beyonce couldn’t.

He was 1/2 right.

Adele can sing.

She’s of the tradition of big-throated white girls going back to Dusty Springfield – we’re gonna skip Ethel Merman here – and continuing up through Barbara Streisand herself and even Amy Winehouse.

But Beyonce’s vocals don’t slouch themselves.

They didn’t get homegirl to play Etta James because Diana Ross was still burned out 36 years later after her Oscar-losing turn as Billie Holiday.

Like I wrote before, I can’t put Beyonce any lower than 4th on my list of 10 Greatest Female Singers Ever and my palate is discriminating as a muhfucca (forgive the Nina Simone omission).

And this is not to knock Adele, but it’s way easier to concentrate on what somebody’s actually doing when you don’t wanna fuck em.

I mean, Adele’s a big bitch and I personally think she’s pretty, but, admittedly, even that notion is mitigated by the fact that I can’t front on her talent.

If she couldn’t sing, odds are, I’d just think she was another fat white bitch and, Chris Rock aside, those hoes is not my type.

Conversely, we all wanna fuck Rihanna who can’t sing a lick but is at least shrewd enough to pattern her voice after an instrument and tune it to whatever song she’s on so her lack of ability actually becomes a plus and not a distraction.

And Carlos Santana should know all this.

I mean, shit, he worships at the shrine of Celia Cruz who maybe only I – and I’m a sucker for talent – thought was hot, but who inarguably was one of the greatest singers ever produced on this hemisphere.

But that’s the problem with people, maybe men especially.

Since our taste buds are in our mouths, you’d expect our aesthetic tastes to be in another part of our heads.

You probably just wouldn’t expect them to be in another “head” altogether.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

Be the first to comment on "Can Beyonce Sing?"

Leave a comment