All #Hurtbae Stories End the Same

It’s hard to work up any emotion for the middle of a story when you know for a fact how it’ll end.

It’s like hearing that the Knicks are leading at halftime.

All you can do is shrug.

So while I watched some shit called The Scene that for whatever reason appeared on Twitter and was just as mysteriously hashtagged #hurtbae, I felt sorry for the dude because, like I said, I know how these things end.

But, as you’d expect, since it was Hurtbae that did all the crying and the dude that confessed to all the cheating, people were triggered, from non-confessed lesbians happy to find even more evidence that they were right about their feels to Captain-Save-A‘s that wanted to fight the guy.

What these people must not know is that even though the relationship part of the story between that couple is over, the emotional part continues until it eventually goes like this:

The reason Hurtbae was so attracted to dude was because he was so indifferent.

Hurtbae wanted closeness, he wanted his space.

Of course, both will continue to be attracted to the same types for a while – a guy that’s totally into Hurtbae won’t do, while a girl that’s not that into dude will do, for a while – until one day Hurtbae finds a guy that’s her type, emotionally unavailable, but not because he’s into other chicks, he’ll be an artist or an athlete or some kind of professional person whose life is so compartmentalized that the only role a woman could play in it is the role of Woman in His Life.

Hurtbae can’t be his everything, but she’ll decided that what she can be is more than enough.

And it’ll be her willingness to accept that role that’ll eventually make her become his everything.

Meanwhile, dude, like he admitted at the beginning of the vid to being attracted to Hurtbae perhaps because she wasn’t initially attracted to him in college, will find a chick that’ll fuck him but will genuinely not give two shits beyond that.

Him, used to chicks like Hurtbae that are traditionally all over him, will be intrigued by this new chick and will pull out all the stops to make her wanna be all over him.

This will, of course, backfire.

So, in the end, their roles will be reversed.

The movie Splendor in the Grass – I ain’t read the Wordsworth yet – took almost this exact route in its storytelling.

And I’d be less than a man if I didn’t admit to spending a lonely night, Teddy Pendergrass playing, my dick in one hand, a bottle in the other, after running into an ex that looked way better than she did while I was fucking with her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve rolled up on foul exes with a new chick in a new whip like “I remember you!”

But whenever I was the one that was foul, it seems like I had just spent my last dollar and needed both a bath and a haircut.

So it’s right when Hurtbae’s on top and dude’a at his lowest that they’ll run into each other.

That’s the way it always happens.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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