The NBA Dunk Contest is High-Level Cooning

Before I get accused of being a hypocrite, let me just say that there’s a huge difference between cooning and, say, the nigger antics of someone like Deion Sanders.

While personally, I’ve always been way more of a fan of the great nigger stoics like Barry Sanders who, after scoring a touchdown, would simply hand the ball to the ref, than those bojangling buffoons that feel like every First Down should be punctuated with a little buck-n-shuffle, Deion Sanders would goose-step, preen, jig and produce the kind of minstrelsy that would make you lose your appetite around white people.

Still, the sports-astute realized that the goal of Deion’s foolishness wasn’t to put on a show, but to frustrate and embarrass the errant quarterback.

Fuck around and throw the ball to Deion’s side again if you dare.

Like Major League Baseball Hall of Famer and all-time career stolen base leader Ricky Henderson, Deion’s act was psychological warfare.

But let’s talk pure cooning.

Overall, there are three types of coons:

  1. Coons for cash
  2. Coons for kudos
  3. Coons of constitution

And of those three, the most reprehensible would be the Coons of constitution.

Those niggas can’t help themselves.

Cooning is in their blood.

Just the appearance of a white face anywhere in the vicinity and Stepin Fetchit is reborn, however without any of his famed financial compensation.

Coons of kudos are not much better.

No respect, including self-respect, is as important to these niggas as white respect.

You’ll find white people on their arms when they date and marry and if you should be so lost as to ask one of them something like, “You heard that new Future?” they, like a computer that suddenly lost it’s wifi connect, will not be able to move past the grammatical improbability.

Coons for cash are pretty self-explanatory.

Back in 1976 when the ABA held the first ever Slam Dunk Contest, Julius “Dr. J” Erving was already the titular King of the Dunk but with the emergence of new high-fliers like David Thompson, the league apparently decided to pay a little cash for which it would host a little cooning.

And make no mistake; dunk contests have been cooning from the door.

Only one white boy ever won, and not only that, whenever extra cash is offered to see something that a Black man does by way of his profession, but almost specifically to see it done the way a Black man does it, no matter how you describe the Black man’s particular knack for the craft, mojo, duende, or Black Boy Magic, you’re paying for cooning.

That’s why a dunk contest unlike, say, a Major League Baseball’s Home Run Contest is cooning.

Home run contest are judged by the number of home runs hit and not artistic interpretation.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessarily knocking cooning for cash.

Like I wrote earlier, it sure as shit beats the other forms of cooning.

My only concern would be that the payment received not exceed the psychological toll taken.

In other words, if you feel you’re selling your soul, you either need to be getting a shitload of cash for it or, perhaps, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

And don’t get me wrong about this either: every nigga that lives in America, by the time they’ve reached age enough to realize that there are interpretive differences along racial lines, has engaged in at least a little cooning.

And usually the ones that denounce the cooning of others the most are only mad that they didn’t get that particular cooning opportunity.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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