Harvard’s Play for Rihanna was Better than a Dick Pic


Ever fuck an intellectual?

I have.

I just jacked off last week.

But I hit some pretty brainy bitches in my day too and quite frankly, they’re way better in bed than some blank, dumb chick who only has a crazy body.

Smart chicks are more creative.

They’re more intuitive.

They have less inhibitions because they have less superstitions, they believe less in the mores and traditions and alleged principles that are used on almost all of us if only to keep us in line.

They say us smart dudes are the same way.

Well, that’s what all the chicks that I’ve ever fucked have said.

Ok, I’m kidding.

Nobody ever said that about me, I’m a fucking idiot, but look no further than the fact that screen goddess Marilyn Monroe was once married to playwright and literary titan Arthur Miller and you can determine that even the baddest hoes have a thing for thinking men.

And make no mistake: Rihanna’s the true heir to Ms. Monroe, because just like there were far better actresses than Ms. Monroe even during her own time and there are far better singers than Rihanna, no one matches her, like no one matched Ms. Monroe possibly ever, as far as the sheer sexual voltage of her appeal.

So I’m not surprised at all that the geniuses at one of the most esteemed universities in our nation, Harvard, have deigned to give the pop quasar it’s Peter J. Gomes Humanitarian of the Year award.

Shit, Rihanna might have once tossed a bum on the street a nickle and one of them Harvard muhfuccas was like, “What can we give her to get her to come here?”

And another one was like, “Humanitarian of the Year, fuck it.”

And make no mistake, we all like to be esteemed for our intellect.

Athletic prowess is great but it lasts nowhere near as long and other forms of talent are great too, just subject to tastes, which are fickle.

A great brain, however, is undeniable.

It’s also probably the best attribute to have.

That’s why racists are so loathe to give up their one remaining imagined superiority; that of the mind.

Giving up the idea of wholesale supremacy was probably finalized around the time of Jackie Robinson but looking shaky as far back as Jack Johnson.

All bullshit aside on Rihanna tho, she did build a state-of-the-art center of oncology and nuclear medicine in her homeland of Barbados and her Clara Lionel foundations helped kids from more than 60 different countries get better educations.

That’s real shit.

And since Rihanna’s first words from the podium while accepting the Gomes award were “So I finally made it to Harvard”, she proved that while Grammy’s and movie roles are nice, nothing beats a little academic actualization.

And you can bet that while she was at Harvard, she was subjected to everything from open fawning to pick-up lines you’d need an technical compass to calibrate.

I’ll bet there were even some numbers exchanged.

So don’t be surprised when you hear that Rihanna’s actually dating one of those Harvard intellectuals, especially after she returns to the world of entertainment and has to deal with some new rapper-slash-whatever whose best approach just happens to be that old industry standard “Hey ma… what’s good?”

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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