Drake & The Worldwide Pussy Tour

I’m not fanatic enough to know her name, but one gets the feeling that all this stems from the girl at the center of Drake’s breakout hit, “Best I Ever Had.”

That’s assuming, of course, that there was a girl.

If not, then penning lyrics that seemed so personal, including the sendoff “You know who you are,” as purely fictional songwriting, makes Luther Vandross and Freddie Jackson singing love songs to women seem only mildly disingenuous.

But I’m gonna bet that there was a girl and because of that gamble, posit that something also went horribly wrong in that relationship which sent Drake spiraling into the condition that we see him in today.

Dickie Bhee… you’re saying, nigga’s on top of the charts, he done fucked all the baddest hoes in America except Beyonce (at least we don’t think he fucked Beyonce), got a ton of cash; if that nigga’s, as you say, “spiraling”, then put me in Tom Brady’s hand the next time that fool drops back to pass, muhfucca!

And from the outside, you’d be right.

High profile flirtations, fuckings, and casual acquaintances seem to abound, from his famed marriage proposal to Nicki Minaj or the song “Miss Me” to his, er, “things” with Maliah Michel, Rihanna, Serena Williams, JLo, and now to even pose for a pic with the legendarily reclusive Sade?

Killing it.

But as Smokey Robinson once warned, take a good look at his face.

See, one of the things that a bad breakup usually does is it turns you into a thot, or it turns you into a nun.

You either want some sort of psychic revenge or cleansing.

And Drake’s hopping from bed to bed or, in some cases, at least attempting to, bears all the marks of a man that’s trying to prove to his ex that she’s far worse than his next.

And if you’re a fan of the artist, chances are you’re a fan of the man too and hope he succeeds in finding “The One”.

This, however, would be a mistake.

See, artists ain’t like athletes.

And whereas the star players that won the last two NBA Championships both married their childhood sweethearts, in the entire history of all genres of art, the only favorable and lifelong relationship that I can think of is the one between Vladimir Nabokov – of Lolita fame – and his wife Vera, and that’s because it was pre-feminism and they were both servants to his craft.

For LeBron and Steph Curry, marriage was the smart move; allowing them to concentrate on the game while many of their less centered teammates ran around chasing ass wasting time and money and staying up late.

However, for an artist, oftentimes if not every time, the most creative impetus comes from the chase, it comes from unhappiness, it comes from being dissatisfied, longing, pining and searching.

Too many times if an artists does find happiness in a relationship and it works, he or she stops being an effective artist.

Look at Hov.

You could counter me with look at Kanye, but Yeezus was so trash, The Life of Pablo only raises that nigga’s batting average to .500.

That’s why it bothers me that I even know as much as I do about Drake’s personal affairs.

I’d rather be totally ignorant and just look at the results.

My artists should give me great art and my athletes should give me wins.

And since pain, angst and weirdness seem to be Drake’s top artistic motivators, I hope that nigga stays a ho forever and he never finds love.

About the Author

dickiebhee

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.
Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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