It’s Too Bad Janet Jackson’s Too Old for Chris Brown

If they were the exact same age and had met maybe back when Janet first got married to that DeBarge dude, then Janet Jackson and Chris Brown would still be married today, happy as clams, she’d have probably shat out a bushel of kids and gone to the emergency room maybe 50 times, each time, coming out smiling.

And it’s fucked up that so many of us got it fucked up and take advice from people that don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, talking as if there’s only one way – their way – and any other way ain’t the right way.

See, cause it’s people like this – feminists, idiots, nonsensical lunatics – that send us running into the streets preaching ideologies that don’t necessarily work.

I mean hey, they may have worked for somebody, but they damn sure don’t work for everybody and they may not have even worked for the people that are telling us to use them.

It’d be like if we told Shaq that the only way he could succeed in the NBA would be to play like Steph Curry; or did I use that analogy already?

Anyway, in this particular case it’s that “never hit a woman” bullshit that gets peddled as the only solution toward happy relationships even though if you’re some sadist and your woman is some masochist and you don’t hit her, she’ll sure as shit find somebody who will.

And maybe that’s Janet’s problem.

No, correction: that’s certainly Janet’s problem.

Now that I’m reading that her 3rd marriage is breaking up right after she had her first (really? her first, Dickie Bhee???) baby and all.

You see Janet comes from a family where the father was a bit of what today would be called an “abuser”.

He beat the fuck outta everybody that lived in his house.

Joe Jackson was also a bit of a lightish-skinned pretty boy, from an era when dudes like himself married bad dark-skinned bitches – like mom Katherine – then fucked them like they were sticking their dick in Mother Earth.

You know Katherine’s pussy was sensational.

Look at how many kids they had.

And where we fuck up – and yeah I mean “we” – is when we look at a relationship like that and call them “dysfunctional.”

See, we think because all the magazines are telling us how niggas are supposed to act if they’re “good” that if a nigga acts outside that paradigm, run!

Hence Janet’s problem.

She was raised watching her failed musician father kick everybody except his own pretty ass, so when she fucked around and decided to find a man for herself, she made sure she always got the “pretty” with the biracial DeBarge boy, Rene Elizondo Jr. and now this billionaire somewhat-nigga Wissam Al Mana, but thinking she was ahead of the game, she left out the ass kicking.

That’s where she fucked up.

See, subconsciously, as far as her memory tells her, that ass kicking worked.

Made every single last one of her brothers, herself, sister Latoya, even half-sister Rebbie for a minute, into stars.

So maybe she was waiting for them muhfuccin pretty boys to turn into monsters once they got the pussy?

I’m guessing none of them ever did.

Chris Brown wouldn’t have had that problem, tho.

Would’ve blackened that eye the moment she tried to act like she was in Control.

And she would have loved him for it.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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