Lonzo Ball Has Bars, But His Jumper Looks Like a Chest Pass

Of course (and unfortunately) there’s always this strange overlay between music and sports going way back to when Marvin Gaye tried to play wide receiver for the Detroit Lions.

Word is, that Marvin was actually borderline good, but Motown owner Berry Gordy told the Lions front office to cut his stupid ass anyway.

Marvin would have the last or at least another word, when he had all his buddies from the Lions do the now legendary intro-party conversation on the song “What’s Going On”.

As NBA basketball got blacker, Hip Hop, for reasons good or ill, became synonymous with “Black”, basketball players also being rappers became kinda a thing.

There was actually, at one point, this companion magazine to the Hip Hop bible The Source called The Source Sports, and at one point, everybody from Allen Iverson to Kobe Bryant was in the studio getting it in.

Sadly forgotten by many is the fact that Shaquille O’Neal was actually nice.

And he took that particular shtick as far as the Arsenio Hall show.

There was also, naturally, the Master P basketball fiasco.

Remember how that looked and, thankfully, ended.

Now – and why am I not surprised? – titular “best player in the upcoming NBA Draft” and son of lunatic father LaVar Ball, Lonzo Ball’s put out his very own version of Drake’s “Free Smoke”.

Yes, Lonzo can spit.

He’s no less than a competent MC.

If I were Kendrick, Future, Drake himself, Kanye, Wale or J. Cole would I be worried tho?

No more than John Wall should worry about any of the aforementioned rappers crossing him over.

See, when you get into shit like this, the unsaid is always “for a…”

Meaning, Lonzo can spit for a basketball player.

If he were suddenly forced to compete on a ground level with real MCs that have no choice but to rap on they might not make it, might, in fact, starve, odds are he himself would have a hard time putting dinner on the table.

The tragedy is that rapping, like acting, is something that just about every bozo not only thinks that they can do, but actually thinks they’d be great at.

And of course, one you establish “celebrity” for one thing, people get so used to you that they usually heap it on you for anything else you try, or they don’t hold you to the same standards in your new endeavors as they would a specialist in that particular craft.

Listen to Lonzo’s “Free Smoke” verse again and consider how pathetic you’d think it was if it had been Hov or Eminem coming with that same verse.

You think they’d lost not only their touch, but their muhfuccin minds!

But we’re never expecting Hov or Eminem when we hear that a Lonzo Ball’s gonna be rapping.

We’re barely expecting anything that makes sense.

That’s why we’re so easily pleasantly surprised.

Personally, I’m still amazed that Lonzo doesn’t shoot underhand free throws like Rick Barry or maybe a Kareem skyhook since that absurdist jumper is something he obviously lifted from Shawn Marion.


And for you niggas who ridiculously argue that biracial people aren’t Black, go check Lonzo on his use on the N-Word.

Clearly, he knows what he is.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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