Lavinia Woodward’s Crazy Ass Proves Why Niggas Gotta STOP Being “Aspiring Rappers”

As I read about this bitch, I kept waiting to see exactly what the fuck was “extraordinary”.

I mean, the headline of the story I saw said that she might be spared prison for stabbing her boyfriend based on her “extraordinary” talent, so I clicked on the shit and was like…?

Bitch was just a student!

Shit went on to say that she “hoped” to cure heart disease, but, shit, I hope to fuck Rihanna and have her pay me for it.

You don’t always get what you hope for.

Shit, according to the Rolling Stones, you can’t even always get what you want.

Still, this chick stabbed a boyfriend that she met on Tinder in the leg, (rightfully) went before the judge and the judgement came back that instead of serving jail time like some, uh… y’all know what I wanna write here but I’ve had a sudden attack of decorum so let’s just say “undesirable” might, she gets stalled out till September when she’ll be sentenced and still might potentially miss jail time altogether.

Now granted, bitch is a student at Oxford med school.

Also granted, bitch had work published in medical journals and is probably a pretty smart bitch on top of all that.

But my argument goes back to the shit I said about “affluenza” boy Ethan Couch, shouldn’t justice be harder on those who have all the breaks?

I mean, since the stereotype is that niggas is genetically predisposed to crime – meaning simply that we can’t help but be criminal – shouldn’t that biological deficiency be greeted with the same empathy that, say, an inherent predisposition toward developing cancer or becoming drug addicted or insanity or anything else that “runs in the family” might?

Wouldn’t you imagine that somebody with not only no background in crime but also with a world full of options and no reason to commit it should be condemned more vehemently for squandering those advantages, like, say, how they should have cracked down on rich ass Winona Ryder for being a shoplifter versus, maybe the fictional case of Les Miserables character Jean Valjean who served long-term imprisonment for stealing bread while starving?

Of course not.

Even though this shit happened over in England, never forget that America is based on the English model.

We do, after all, speak English, not American

And in England, like America, crime has a face.

And it is not the face of Lavinia Woodward.

So let’s imagine for a minute that the reason we’re being peddled for Ms. Woodward receiving such leniency is true.

Let’s imagine that she’s “extraordinary”, or at least her talents are and in the interest of a society that would and should always want to promote any of it’s citizens with any kind of genuine potential, niggas have just been granted a potential “out” for the next time or any time that we happen to appear before a judge.

We could wanna cure AIDS.

We could wanna teach school.

We could wanna become local farmers or scientists, anything that would contribute to society at large or, more specifically, help our communities in particular.

You see, because we’re gonna need to believe that Ms. Woodward’s “extraordinary” talent is, in fact, the reason that she’s being handled with such kid gloves.

Not even I wanna continue to subscribe to my own cynical conviction that prison is for niggas only.

So let’s improve those life goals, my niggas, at least for the next time you’re about to be Judged by 12.

Not that it should really do you any good.

But who knows, it might.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

Be the first to comment on "Lavinia Woodward’s Crazy Ass Proves Why Niggas Gotta STOP Being “Aspiring Rappers”"

Leave a comment