The one good thing about Kevin Durant’s near-Oedipal obsession with his mother is that should a Kardashian – any Kardashian – come slithering up, said offender would likely catch a blast from the business end of a 12-gauge shotgun and have it’s corpse subsequently transported to Florida where Mom the Murderer could avoid prosecution based on “Stand-Your-Ground” laws.
And this is, after all, Kardashian Season.
New Negroes have been awarded cash and prizes, Durant as a member of the Golden State Warriors who last night won the NBA title in 5 games over the Cleveland Cavaliers, Durant himself being named the Series MVP.
So it’s only right to expect a veritable Slut Patrol, led possibly by Amber Rose, if she can remove her mouth from whatever cock on which it currently finds itself clamped, and a Murderer’s Row of hoochies, groupies, would-be baby-mamas, Gold Diggers, professional whores and debutantes.
Tragically for these Women in Waiting, 3 of the Big Four Warriors find themselves in situations ranging from irrevocable to permanent.
Draymond Green’s crazy ass seems grounded with a Solid Soul Sister as his baby-mom, and of course, Steph Curry can’t move a muscle without his wife Ayesha making sure that that “muscle” ain’t his dick going into another bitch.
That leaves KD.
Now of course, Durant was once engaged to the type of woman that even his mom probably wouldn’t have had too much of a problem with.
She was not only Black, but brown-skinned, a fellow athlete, WNBA star Monica Wright
But that fell apart.
And now with all this as a background, it probably is a little messed up that Rihanna is such a Lebron James… er, “fan”, because even though she’s allegedly been ran thru more times than a subway tunnel – if you’re one of those for whom bullshit like “body counts” matter – she does have the goods as a talent and is a genuine star.
And now that he has a chip, it almost makes sense that the next step would be a wife; you wouldn’t want those Derek Jeter “eat my asshole” rumors to start dogging you all the way until you retired.
And I know it’s crazy when an athlete is in a relationship or marries.
You would think there are no faithful ones.
And they always seem weird, violent or both.
Going back before OJ to when Jim Brown was throwing bitches off of balconies, coming up through Ali’s many wives and Tyson’s many wives, Joe DiMaggio thinking he could tame Marilyn Monroe, Tim Duncan getting cheated on by a bitch he shoulda stopped fucking with at Wake Forrest, all the way up to that totally 70s scene where two New York Yankees pitchers actually swapped wives.
Still, if he were gonna put away stardom and simply go for baad, then the baddest thing Kevin Durant might be able to get in terms of a bae might actually be in-house.
And I know it was a failed experiment when Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas tried it while members of the Miami Dolphins, I mean, that is your teammate after all, if you’re gonna be foul, he’s gonna know about it, but if KD is genuinely done with chasing pussy and ready to settle down, then it’s time to at least try to make his teammate into his brother-in-law and risk it all for Sydel Curry.