Me: What is it?
Me: That’s it? Just God?
Me: Not Jay-Hova
Me: Just God
Him: Just God
Me: You mean, like, the creator of all things?
Him: No, that would be Coat
Me: You mean, like, the maker of the universe?
Him: No, that would be Motu
Me: Are you claiming to be the God of the Bible?
Him: Funny you should ask; remember in Exodus 20: 3 that God says Thou shalt have no other gods before me
Him: He didn’t say there were no other gods
Him: He did’t even say that you couldn’t have other gods. He just said that you couldn’t have them before Him
Him: So I’m ok
Me: How bout the Koran?
Him: Yeah, I did my research there too
Him: They call their guy Allah
Me: Ok. But don’t you think you’ll confuse people?
Him: There’s more than one Jeff
Me: Fuck all this… did you cheat on Beyonce?
Him: Yeah. Back before we were married
Him: No. You think I’m stupid? Who can I fuck? Who wouldn’t tell? You think I can slip thru some hood on the late night?
Me: Why not? You’re God
Him: Look, if somebody starts acting up in the Carter Household, it won’t be The Husband
Me: You think Beyonce’s whoring?
Him: Who knows?
Me: Can we get her over here?
Him; Look, I just wanted to give you the scoop on my new name, man
Me: Why me?
Him: You’re my daughter’s favorite writer
Me: Who? Blue Ivy?
Me: Blue Ivy reads DickieBheeonthestreets?
Me: What about you?
Him: I have to. My daughter reads it
Me: And she likes it?
Him: Loves it
Me: How’d you find out that she reads me?
Him: I came in one day and she said, “Daddy, take a look at this and tell me what you think”
Me: What was it?
Him: Your atheist piece
Me: What’d you tell her?
Him: I told her that you were the worst fucking writer I’d ever read. Then I had to pay her cause I can’t swear around her
Me: Sounds like a nice racket. Did she hear 4:44?
Him: Yeah. And every time she hears it, that’s another $10
Me: Only $10?
Him: Hey, gotta teach em limits. Ask Kendrick
Me: So, I’ve got a fan in Blue Ivy
Him: That should tell you something
Him: That you write kiddie shit
Me: Well, I’m always improving. Maybe me and Blue will grow together
Him: No, Blue will outgrow you. Swear to Me, if Blue’s still reading you by this time next year, I’m having her declared ‘Special’
Me: Wow. That’s mean
Him: I said it to be mean. Have you read you? Bet you only get about 2 views a day, right?
Me: How’d you know?
Him: Who do you think that is?
Me: You and Blue Ivy?
Him: Yeah, and I’m tired of explaining pornography to her
Me: I don’t have any porn on the site
Him: You got some porn shit on here. You crossed the line
Me: I got maybe a couple pictures
Me: Maybe. Does Beyonce read me?
Him: Didn’t I say two views?
Me: Well, I thought, maybe she read over somebody’s shoulder or something. So… now you’re God
Me: Can I get a miracle?
Him: I’m here, ain’t I?