Jay-Z Reveals Shocking New Name

Me: What is it?

Him: God

Me: That’s it? Just God?

Him: Yeah

Me: Not Jay-Hova

Him: No

Me: Just God

Him: Just God

Me: You mean, like, the creator of all things?

Him: No, that would be Coat

Me: You mean, like, the maker of the universe?

Him: No, that would be Motu

Me: Are you claiming to be the God of the Bible?

Him: Funny you should ask; remember in Exodus 20: 3 that God says Thou shalt have no other gods before me

Me: Yeah

Him: He didn’t say there were no other gods

Me: Ok

Him: He did’t even say that you couldn’t have other gods. He just said that you couldn’t have them before Him

Me: Right

Him: So I’m ok

Me: How bout the Koran?

Him: Yeah, I did my research there too

Me: And

Him: They call their guy Allah

Me: Ok. But don’t you think you’ll confuse people?

Him: There’s more than one Jeff

Me: Fuck all this… did you cheat on Beyonce?

Him: Yeah. Back before we were married

Me: Since?

Him: No. You think I’m stupid? Who can I fuck? Who wouldn’t tell? You think I can slip thru some hood on the late night?

Me: Why not? You’re God

Him: Look, if somebody starts acting up in the Carter Household, it won’t be The Husband

Me: You think Beyonce’s whoring?

Him: Who knows?

Me: Can we get her over here?

Him; Look, I just wanted to give you the scoop on my new name, man

Me: Why me?

Him: You’re my daughter’s favorite writer

Me: Who? Blue Ivy?

Him: Yeah

Me: Blue Ivy reads DickieBheeonthestreets?

Him: Religiously

Me: What about you?

Him: I have to. My daughter reads it

Me: And she likes it?

Him: Loves it

Me: How’d you find out that she reads me?

Him: I came in one day and she said, “Daddy, take a look at this and tell me what you think”

Me: What was it?

Him: Your atheist piece

Me: What’d you tell her?

Him: I told her that you were the worst fucking writer I’d ever read. Then I had to pay her cause I can’t swear around her

Me: Sounds like a nice racket. Did she hear 4:44?

Him: Yeah. And every time she hears it, that’s another $10

Me: Only $10?

Him: Hey, gotta teach em limits. Ask Kendrick

Me: So, I’ve got a fan in Blue Ivy

Him: That should tell you something

Me: What?

Him: That you write kiddie shit

Me: Well, I’m always improving. Maybe me and Blue will grow together

Him: No, Blue will outgrow you.  Swear to Me, if Blue’s still reading you by this time next year, I’m having her declared ‘Special’

Me: Wow. That’s mean

Him: I said it to be mean. Have you read you? Bet you only get about 2 views a day, right?

Me: How’d you know?

Him: Who do you think that is?

Me: You and Blue Ivy?

Him: Yeah, and I’m tired of explaining pornography to her

Me: I don’t have any porn on the site

Him: You got some porn shit on here. You crossed the line

Me: I got maybe a couple pictures

Him: Maybe

Me: Maybe. Does Beyonce read me?

Him: Didn’t I say two views?

Me: Well, I thought, maybe she read over somebody’s shoulder or something. So… now you’re God

Him: Yep

Me: Can I get a miracle?

Him: I’m here, ain’t I?

About the Author

dickiebhee
Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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