Marilyn Monroe had talent.
And even though she kinda played herself by allowing herself to be typecast, the fact that she was a genuine intellectual despite perpetually playing the “dumb blonde” is proof of, if not range, then at least financial savvy.
It is easy to see, however, how some might wanna make Kim Kardashian into the new Marilyn.
Like Ms. Monroe, Kim K’s been married three times and another similarity Kim K shares with Ms. Monroe is that muhfuccas stayed up in them guts.
But if you took a cock-by-cock comparison of not just the dudes that married both pieces, but that ran thru each, you see that Kim K often ran with also-rans while Marilyn almost never settled.
Who even was that first nigga – of three, all niggas – that Kim K married?
What was his name?
I’ll write it after I look it up, then I’ll add a link.
Oh yeah, Damon Thomas.
What exactly is one of those?
Then, there’s Kris Humphries, who plays not only the same sport but, believe it or not, the same position as Tim Duncan.
Now there’s Kanye.
Kanye’s career has gone so sideways since Kim K that he became his own “Gold Digger” punchline.
Now, let’s look at the dick:
You need no further proof of America’s absurdity than the fact that Ray J’s rod made Kim K a star but did nothing for him.
Aside from that, the only other backshots of note that she took came from former Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush who promptly (and wisely) dumped her ass after his Saints NFL team won a Super Bowl and she stole his moment.
Compare that to Ms. Monroe who first married a cop named James Dougherty, but then moved on to Joe DiMaggio, who might have been the 🐐 of Major League Baseball and Arthur Miller who may have been the 🐐 of playwrights.
And as for dick, what tops getting schlonged by the President?
She fucked his brother too while Bobby was Secretary of State.
And she fucked Frank Sinatra, another possible 🐐 if we’re talking pre-jazz crooners.
Add to that the fact that it was her conversation with Truman Capote that started the Milton Berle-monster cock legend, and we’re talking about a pro compared to a bush leaguer.
Finally, on a fine-ness scale – and despite my general aversion to white girls, I’ll indulge here – Kim K is realistically only “Who are you?” the next morning, get outta my apartment-baad, while Marilyn was Start A Family, send your letter of resignation to the Black Panthers-baad.
And as far as, like I began with, the difference in talent, I’m no oracle on Ms. Monroe’s film work having only seen Some Like it Hot, How to Marry a Millionaire, The Seven Year Itch, Bus Stop, Don’t Bother to Knock, and of course the absolute classic All About Eve, but it’s her inclusion in the latter that makes the disparity between herself and Kim K so evident.
Even though her role is painfully short and she’s only in the flick for a few moments, being in any part of what is almost inarguably one of the 100 best movies ever made trumps any inclusion into anything that Kim K could claim; unless, of course, she reveals that she piped Kanye throughout the entire making of The Life of Pablo.
So on this, the 55th anniversary of her death, let’s celebrate a “real” white chick, Marilyn Monroe, and mourn ourselves as we consider what we’re stuck with by comparison.