You’re a Bitch if You Want Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight

When I was back in college, I was tryna fuck this girl from Chicago – light-skinned, donk, not really cute but, donk – and all of a sudden, randomly, like, one day, she asked me if I would fuck with this other girl that we both knew.

Now, the other girl was huge.

Not necessarily bad looking, but just big and, like, big everywhere.

So I said, “Maybe if she lost weight.”

This apparently mortified the chick from Chicago who ended up not giving me any pussy and damn near tried to stop speaking to me.

Cool as a fan, I still spoke.

I mean, I knew then as I do now that certain events are supposed to lead to mutual hostilities but I have always absolutely refused to allow someone’s opinion of me color or even influence my opinion of them.

Just greasy like that, I guess.

Anyway, I fully defend myself for my actions at the time because I hadn’t yet, nor had I planned on ever fucking said fat bitch.

And it’s not, as you know if you’ve read me, because I don’t like fat bitches.

Oh no, I fucking love those hoes!

The thing is, I didn’t love this one, she didn’t have the weight where I wanted it and, again and most importantly, she was fat without me ever having touched her.

If I had already started fucking her as a fat girl, I wouldn’t have dared asked her to change.

This is the primary difference between men and women.

Women are the ones that get into relationships with clearly flawed men both confident in their ability and in fact anxious to go about the business of changing the poor soul.

Men, on the other hand, get into relationships with women we’re hoping don’t change.

I was making this point recently to a guy at the gym about bloated sex symbol Ashley Graham and the fact that at this point in her life and modeling career, all she does is “maintenance work”, meaning, when she goes to the gym, she works on her tone and her fitness but her size and her weight are both her meal ticket and both can’t and shouldn’t be tampered with.

A man would be a fool to try to change Ashley Graham because she rocked the game as is and reestablished a paradigm that had always existed – think Rubenesque – but that the gay male-dominated fashion aesthetic of the 60s had tried and nearly succeeded in obliterating.

So as I was reading in the New York Post about some dude that was complaining on social media about having a hard time asking his girlfriend to lose weight, I couldn’t help but think that he had more female tendencies than male because, like I said, only women go into relationships hoping things or trying to make things change while guys simply want them to stay the same.

I mean, what kinda guy would even get into a relationship with a woman he felt beforehand he needed to change?

Only a bitch.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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