Lamar Odom’s Crazy Ass & The Need for Suicide Machines


I know that me saying “this is gonna be the most racist thing I’ve ever written” is a little akin to tryna pick the biggest whore outta the Kardashian Clan (it’s Kris), but I’m gonna have a go at this one anyway in my call for suicide machines.

And see, despite what we might think, and I know it’s counterintuitive, you live in New York or any major city and you see homeless beggars sometimes critically disabled and they’re clanking change in a cup or they smell like urine or they just sit helplessly with some kinda homemade made up sign out in front of them, but these would not be the people that would kill themselves.

For whatever reason – and I’m just gonna attribute it to bravery because I couldn’t do this shit – the people whose lives, from the outside, look the most fucked up, seem to cling to life with a vehemence that belies their status.

And since a disproportionate amount of the beggars and weirdos we see are colored folks and therefore life-clingers, it only serves as notice that the majority of people that actually do commit suicide are Caucasian.


See what I said about this post being racist?

Even more hilariously, the people to whom we ascribe all the “privilege”; white men, have, at 15.1 per 100,000, the highest rate of suicide.

So let’s get rid of all those fuckers!


I’m gonna stop now.

But my point is the same.

The idea that suicide is either “wrong” or a “sin” is preposterous.

It’s your fucking life you can do what the fuck you want with it.

And then there’s all those people that try to tell you that “Life is a gift“.

Now, if a muhfucca took a dump in a box and tied a ribbon to it and gave it to you, he’d be giving you a “gift”, the question is; would you want it?

The bottom line is, life isn’t the same for everybody and some people are fucking unhappy.

But it’s no wonder that, racism being what it is and the believed premium being in favor of white life that, knowing white men have the highest tendency to kill themselves, technology has not come up with convenient, centrally located, suicide machines generously distributed in all the heavily populated areas.

Make no mistake, there are people out there tryna kill themselves in more ways than just the direct.

Lamar Odom, erstwhile maniac, two-time NBA champion, never did get over getting dumped by the ugliest Kardashian and has subsequently gone on a suicide tour.

What Lamar should have realized about that skank was that, as the ugliest Kardashian, she was doomed to eternally try to “trade up” for more prestigious dick in an effort to top her prettier sisters.

There can be no winners in being with a whore like that.

How much simpler for all involved if Lamar could just step into a box one time, lock it, press a button and end it all?

Lots of famous people have, click on the list.

And like I said, I consider it gutsy to beg because the one time way back in 1991 that I was fucked up and needing $.67 on a train and some young, chubby, dark-skinned nigga gave it to me to this day fills me with a level of gratitude that my inability to repay chokes me up when I think about.

So imagine the psychic debt I’d incur if I begged like that daily.

I’d kill myself.

Or at least, I’d want to.

But there are no machines.

About the Author

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town. Also:

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