Chick Writer Say Porn Fans Suck in Bed

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Sometimes, for kicks, I run down in my head a list of bitches I’m sure I made cum.

It’s well into the double figures, I’d say probably/possibly about 1/2 the total.

That, after not even understanding the mathematics of making a bitch cum until I was, like, 21.

My first real girlfriend, first love and all that shit, used to make me stop every time she was about to pop.

I did, not really realizing that cumming was what was about to happen, now I regret it.

First love and I never even made her cum.

Pathetic.

Then, one day this other bubble-butt bitch was riding the wood and she just, like, spattered me.

Aha! I thought.

Since then, that’s been the math.

And yes, of course, there are tricks and yes, of course, my tongue game is decent but as I see it – and I could be wrong about the theory but I ain’t wrong about the cumming – the reason bitches cum when they’re on top is they get to fantasize that it’s their dick and they’re fucking you.

Of course, you can always tell when a bitch cums because she’ll start sweating at the small of her back (betcha didn’t know that one… unless you did).

My point being, tragically, I’m single!

Magic stick and everything and I’m single, sad and lonely.

Now, as I was reading this piece yesterday by Emma Lindsay, I wasn’t surprised by her assertion that watching too much porn makes men bad in bed, what I did find interesting however was my reaction to it.

Her argument was basically that watching too much porn makes men think that women who are paid to pretend to enjoy positions and acts that are, in fact, painful, makes men think that those positions and acts are, in fact, fun.

Luckily, since 21, I’ve known better.

And while I’m not exactly a subscriber to some mythological puritanical age where nobody fucked before marriage and even then the only type of shit that muhfuccas got into was standard, traditional missionary position, I do think that we’ve currently achieved some sort of sexual overload.

As I (believe I’ve) written before, I didn’t even eat ass for the first time till I was 25 and that was not because the notion turned me off or I found the whole idea disgusting, but because I never even considered the possibility of such an act.

Nowadays, kids talk about shit like that before they even hit high school.

So here’s a theory that’s bound to be one of my most offensive ever (some of my more faithful readers have crept to the edges of their chairs), I think it just might be possible when bitches didn’t expect to be sexually satisfied, before the invention/discovery of the ‘G-spot‘, before female orgasms were popularized, you know, back in them days, bitches were, overall, happier.

The reason I’m suggesting this is because marriages back in those days seemed to last forever and the concept of divorce was an absolute outrage.

Sex was considered something that was the filthy desire and entitlement of men and something to be more or less endured by women without any prospect of enjoyment whatsoever.

Now that bitches know or at least believe that they should be enjoying sex, they never seem satisfied.

Even after a legendary fuck, they’re like a bunch of Seinfeld’s wanting to know what else is out there.

And then ultimately they end up settling with/for somebody that can’t lay the pipe at all.

Wait a minute; you know what…?

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About the Author

dickiebhee

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.
Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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