Now that Becky’s the Weed Man, We’re All Doomed

Don’t get me wrong; nobody’s happier than me that weed is now (mostly) legal.

Of course, the irony is that it would happen during a time when it’s not advantageous for me to smoke, but that’s more of a result of Okrent’s Law than some false morality that I’ve decided to adhere to.

And allow me to say that I’m not surprised that one of the faster growing groups that are getting involved in the new, legal, marijuana hustle is, of course, white women.

Does anybody but hood niggas who’ve never *really* encountered them on any prolonged or wholesale basis still believe that white girls are all a group of wholesome, abstaining Christian virgins that bathe in milk and smell of lilac?

Cause all the rest of us know that them hoes are worse than anybody.

And aside from the obvious outrages, aside from the fact that, yeah, weed’s legal now, but does that mean that you’re gonna free all the niggas you busted and jailed for weed?

And yeah, weed’s legal now, but how come the fact that you might have a criminal record precludes you getting involved?

And even the fact that yeah, like The Number’s game used to be something that could get you locked up for participating in till states figured out how to turn their own profits off it it and it became the lottery, once again niggas are watching a veritable economic Negro League get outsourced from our community to a place where the profits are sure to be turned at higher and faster rates.

I live around 158th and Amsterdam in Washington Heights and there’s a Black book store right down the street and I wandered in there one day looking for a non-Black authored book that they didn’t have but they were so shocked that someone was coming in there actually looking to buy a book – the owner explained that they make almost all of their money hosting events like poetry readings now – that I fucked around and bought a Sartre joint just to do my part.

Not to mention that virtually every bodega in my hood is Arab-owned.

This, in a neighborhood that’s mostly Black and Dominican.

So essentially, what I’m asking is, how long will little hood hustlers with their little weed hustles be allowed to flourish once fine, big booty, big titty, blonde bimbos start flirtatiously offering their own product?

You know we love some white girls!

And it’ll be the total inverse of what used to go down back when the weed man was indeed a man and was usually or at least often, a Negro.

I know a chick that fucked all her weed men.

How do you think weed got paid for when there was no cash but in trade?

Can’t you just imagine some broke nigga with a big, floppy dick, smiling and naked, waiting for Becky to show up at the door with a twen sack that he expects to be able to cop as a barter because of his perceived ability to “knock that pussy out”?

It’ll be a case of the weed dealer calling the cops on a client and he’ll end up in jail.

It might even make the papers.

The first time it happens.

About the Author


Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.

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