What’s a Tranny Gonna Do With All that Ass?

I was on the C train reading a book and headed back uptown this morning when this white bearded person stood up and looked at my book, or maybe me, before turning towards the subway door.

I knew that something was wrong immediately.

I mean, if this person had been a dude – as the beard might have implied – then the fact that the person was also a little on the chubby side would have left, in addition to the bit of a gut, also something in the variety of man-boob, but this person’s chest area seemed like it had been entirely shorn off.

Like a razor had removed any trace of chest at all.

Also, the masculinity of this person seemed to be off; but not like a gay dude or even like a dyke, a community of which there are some thoroughly masculine members, but almost like a person playing dress up that has to constantly remind themselves that they’re not in their normal clothes.

Then when the person turned completely, I saw it.

No man has an ass like this bearded person.

I mean, this thing was not only wide, but phat with heft and so womanly as to be borderline pornography.

This, er, “guy” had a donk that was Crystal Bottoms-crazy!

And I was almost tempted to walk over to the person and say, “Dude, you’re gonna hafta run or do something. Cause with that ass you got hanging off you, being white, there’s niggas out there that’d wife you even if you’ve got a dick.”

Another thing that struck me after “he’d” got off the train and I thought about it was that the “guy” didn’t look happy.

I mean, sure, “he” had the beard and the Richard Spencer-haircut, but one of the main reasons shoveled to us about why we should be accepting towards transgender people is because of the tragedy involving feeling like you were born in the wrong body and how great it is now that you can fix stuff like that.

Yet here was the big booty C train “guy” looking pissed.

And “he” couldn’t have pulled this move thinking it would make “him” sexier.

Ugly white girls with phat asses are way hotter than ugly white men similarly equipped.

Recently, a friend sent me this Tariq Nasheed ustream entitled “Value Yourself as a Man” and tho I found the majority of it yawningly boring, a byproduct argument I credit Nasheed with making was that feminism might just be another devious brainchild of capitalism.

Remembering that at one point, women couldn’t make financial decisions without their husbands being present might explain the rush to throw them hoes in the workforce and give them their own disposable incomes.

That said, America’s push towards LGBT acceptance might have similarly sinister motives.

Not that LGBT people or anyone for that matter should be fucked with – in my opinion everybody has exactly one right: the right to be left the fuck alone – but if unhappiness can be commodified in a way that’ll lead to gender reassignment surgery, so much the better.

I am not a fan of cosmetic surgery.

I think just about everything can be solved with a gym membership.

I also understand that unhappiness fuels capitalism to the extent that one of the reasons that marijuana was illegal for so long was because people could grow it themselves.

Btw, the book that I was reading on the train was Jonathan Franzen’s Purity.

Kinda ironic that a line I’d jotted down to quote was, “Happy people (don’t) tell lies.”

About the Author

dickiebhee

Dickie Bhee is a self-styled lunatic, a Renaissance showman, a Class A, Grade A buffoon, a nigga that believes in the greatness of Niggerhood a social gadfly and a genuine Man About Town.
Also: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01E7NYMP4

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